1 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,833 - Room check! - Oh, shit. 2 00:00:18,916 --> 00:00:22,083 - One second! - Come on. Open up. 3 00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:24,958 All right, where's the drugs? 4 00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:27,208 Drugs? What are drugs? 5 00:00:27,291 --> 00:00:29,583 Search her room! Find them! 6 00:00:31,208 --> 00:00:35,166 Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go. 7 00:00:36,958 --> 00:00:40,791 Shirts, pants, socks. Shirts, pants. That's good! 8 00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:45,666 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 9 00:00:47,458 --> 00:00:49,291 Oh, my! 10 00:00:52,125 --> 00:00:53,125 Move! 11 00:00:53,208 --> 00:00:56,000 - Excuse me. Sorry. - My yogurt! 12 00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:00,583 - What the fuck? - Sorry. 13 00:01:00,666 --> 00:01:01,666 Fucking asshole. 14 00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:07,250 Oh, man, start. 15 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,375 Come on. 16 00:01:12,375 --> 00:01:13,375 Come on. 17 00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:33,166 Oh. Excuse me. 18 00:01:34,708 --> 00:01:36,208 Yeah? 19 00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:38,625 Yeah, do you by any chance have any extra quarters? 20 00:01:38,708 --> 00:01:41,000 Oh. Um, let me check. 21 00:01:42,791 --> 00:01:44,458 Yeah. 22 00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:53,583 Thanks. Your name's Montgomery, right? 23 00:01:54,333 --> 00:01:58,000 Yeah, and your name's Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray? 24 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:01,416 - That is all four of them, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 25 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,020 Ashley Mackenzie Merriman Gray, like, it just kind of falls out. 26 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:08,791 You know, it's funny, I feel like we are always here at the exact same time. 27 00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:11,916 Well, no one's got dirtier undies than me. 28 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,583 Not from poop, to be clear. 29 00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:18,208 - Or come. - So piss? 30 00:02:18,291 --> 00:02:20,333 No, just normal stuff. I'm not weird. 31 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:29,875 Okay. 32 00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:31,625 I'll see you around. 33 00:02:41,666 --> 00:02:42,666 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 34 00:02:43,416 --> 00:02:44,666 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 35 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,500 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 36 00:02:48,875 --> 00:02:52,375 ♪ I'm solid gold, I've got the goods ♪ 37 00:02:52,458 --> 00:02:56,208 ♪ They stand when I walk Through the neighborhoods ♪ 38 00:02:56,291 --> 00:02:58,583 ♪ I'm makin' it ♪ 39 00:02:58,666 --> 00:03:01,958 - ♪ I've got the chance, I'm takin' it ♪ - Hey, guys. How are you? It's good to... 40 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,916 ♪ No more, no more, fakin' it ♪ 41 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,916 - ♪ This time in life, I'm makin' it ♪ - I'm sorry. I'm… 42 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,250 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 43 00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:12,875 ♪ Makin' it ♪ 44 00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:15,250 Eat shit. 45 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,375 ♪ Hello uptown, goodbye pover... ♪ 46 00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:24,291 That's what you get for ruining the football team, asshole. 47 00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:26,791 ♪ I'm makin' it ♪ 48 00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:27,958 Hi. 49 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:29,826 Oh. 50 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:31,875 Fuck yourself and your freak-ass face. 51 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,333 ♪ I'm takin' it ♪ 52 00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:38,208 ♪ No more, no more fakin' it ♪ 53 00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,291 ♪ This time... ♪ 54 00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:40,517 There he is! 55 00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:41,875 Oh, fuck! 56 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,958 No! No! No! 57 00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:48,875 - Somebody grab him! - Freak-ass! 58 00:03:48,958 --> 00:03:50,875 - Freak-ass Face! - Rip off his skin! 59 00:03:50,958 --> 00:03:53,678 All right, everybody, fuck off and listen to me for a second, please! 60 00:03:55,708 --> 00:04:01,375 I know you're upset about what happened with the football team. 61 00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:04,791 I'm sorry. 62 00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:10,583 But who amongst us all hasn't ever made a mistake? 63 00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:12,791 We all have. 64 00:04:12,875 --> 00:04:17,708 So if you don't think that I deserve the basic human decency 65 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,125 of a second chance, then fine, go ahead. 66 00:04:21,083 --> 00:04:22,559 Tape me to the top of that clock tower 67 00:04:22,583 --> 00:04:26,416 and pelt me with water balloons full of piss. But if not… 68 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,916 Goddamn it. 69 00:04:44,666 --> 00:04:45,708 Hey, Jack. 70 00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,541 Hi, Monty. How was your day? 71 00:04:48,625 --> 00:04:49,791 Uh. 72 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:52,166 Not great. How was yours? 73 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,750 I'm covered in piss. 74 00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,375 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. 75 00:04:55,458 --> 00:04:57,166 You know what's gonna make it all better? 76 00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:59,309 - Quiet night of sleep. - A concerning amount of alcohol. 77 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,708 - Let's boogie. - Oh, wow, we said very different things. 78 00:05:02,625 --> 00:05:04,958 Housing requests due by midnight. 79 00:05:05,041 --> 00:05:06,833 Guys, housing requests due by midnight. 80 00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:09,875 Montgomery and Jack, email your housing request in by midnight. 81 00:05:09,958 --> 00:05:12,208 - Also, Jack, go fuck yourself. - Hmm? Ah. 82 00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:17,375 Where do you want to live next year? 83 00:05:17,458 --> 00:05:21,500 Should we do Orrick Tower, Stonewell Court, or… 84 00:05:22,166 --> 00:05:23,166 Ugh. 85 00:05:24,083 --> 00:05:26,208 As long as it's not Gralk Hall. 86 00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:28,750 That place is literal hell. You know what I mean? 87 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,666 Come on, dude, stop hiding. Just ask her out. 88 00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,041 - Are you nuts? No. - Why? 89 00:05:37,125 --> 00:05:38,958 Girls like Ashley don't like guys like me. 90 00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:42,500 - What's wrong with you? - I'm weird. I sound like a little old man. 91 00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:46,625 Girls like alphas. Strong provider-types like him. 92 00:05:48,958 --> 00:05:51,791 - Hot. - So that's why I'm gonna trick her 93 00:05:51,875 --> 00:05:53,500 into thinking I'm an alpha, 94 00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:55,500 and then she'll ask me out. 95 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,476 Wow. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. 96 00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,750 It's not creepy, it's sweet. 97 00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:01,809 You barely know her. You may not even actually like her. 98 00:06:01,833 --> 00:06:02,916 Of course I like her. 99 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,560 When I think of the two of us together 100 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,434 it feels like I'm floating 101 00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:10,666 on a cloud of lavender while being sung to by lollipop pixies. 102 00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:15,000 Never mind. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. 103 00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:17,750 Stop staring at her. 104 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,875 It's time to take this 105 00:06:24,958 --> 00:06:28,500 and put it into this so we can turn off this. 106 00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,208 - Look at her. Exquisite, right? - Whoa. 107 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,708 - Dang. - Give her a touch. 108 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:34,375 Give her a stroke. 109 00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:36,708 Perv. Wanna give a toast? 110 00:06:36,791 --> 00:06:41,083 Ah, may the crop grow strong, and your pants stay up, and the night… 111 00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:42,434 Don't worry, man, I got this shit. 112 00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:44,500 To turning around this shitty day. 113 00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:47,958 - Oh, fuck. - Crud. 114 00:06:48,666 --> 00:06:50,000 Logan. 115 00:06:51,125 --> 00:06:52,125 What's up, dildos? 116 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:54,333 - Can we please not do this tonight? - Relax. 117 00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:57,125 I know that we come in here every weekend, 118 00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:01,750 we hold you down and we fart in your faces for what you did to the football team, 119 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:08,250 but we have taken some time to reflect and we decided to apologize. 120 00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:12,458 Wow. Really? 121 00:07:12,541 --> 00:07:14,916 No, we came to fart on your faces! 122 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,125 - Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. - Pin him down. 123 00:07:19,583 --> 00:07:21,166 Come here. 124 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,476 I'm gonna fart in your face. 125 00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,541 I will never fucking accept this shit. Fuck! 126 00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,184 I'll save you the trouble. Right here okay? 127 00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,392 - That's perfect. Thanks. - Every week. So fucking harsh. 128 00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:30,708 - Fuck you. Fuck off. - Buddy, you know the drill. 129 00:07:30,791 --> 00:07:31,791 Oh. Oh. Oh. 130 00:07:31,875 --> 00:07:34,958 - It's okay, Jack. Think happy thoughts. - Shut up, Montgomery. 131 00:07:35,041 --> 00:07:36,583 Open wide, pookie. 132 00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:41,041 No! No! No! 133 00:07:41,125 --> 00:07:42,500 Oh, shit. 134 00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:44,343 Hey, dumb-ass, mind if I borrow your charger? 135 00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:46,684 Oh, I should warn you, it's actually a third-party charger, 136 00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:48,517 and it's technically against the terms of service 137 00:07:48,541 --> 00:07:49,541 - to use it. - Shut up. 138 00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:53,125 Dude, this pajama party tonight is gonna be so sick. 139 00:07:53,208 --> 00:07:54,625 - Pre-game at my place? - Totally. 140 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,750 - I got beer. - Nice. 141 00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:57,333 - I got some weed. - Swag. 142 00:07:57,416 --> 00:07:59,833 And I'm bringing Wizard's Oath. 143 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:02,708 What? 144 00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:06,208 It's a fantasy board game. 145 00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:08,416 It's actually really fun. 146 00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:12,125 That was refreshing, dawg. 147 00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:14,125 I feel, like, a pound lighter. 148 00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:16,750 All right. Let's bounce. 149 00:08:16,833 --> 00:08:18,458 Oh! What the fuck? 150 00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,125 Your charger fried my phone. 151 00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,416 Well, I did warn you it's a third-party charger. 152 00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:26,458 Break my phone, huh? 153 00:08:26,541 --> 00:08:28,708 - How about I break your bottle? - Oh, shit. 154 00:08:28,791 --> 00:08:33,333 No! 155 00:08:33,416 --> 00:08:35,333 Look at his freak-ass face. 156 00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:37,666 - Losers. - Later, dickheads! 157 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,666 Oh. Oh. Oh. 158 00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:41,541 Just give us a fucking break. 159 00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:49,041 Lizzy! 160 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,250 - Fuck! - Ugh. 161 00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:58,583 Fuck all those guys. 162 00:08:58,666 --> 00:09:00,142 God, I hope I don't get pink eye again. 163 00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,750 This whole night's fucking ruined. 164 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,500 Well, maybe it's for the best. 165 00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:06,333 I was gonna start Lysander on a new brand of nectar tonight, 166 00:09:06,416 --> 00:09:10,208 - and he gets temperamental. - No! No! 167 00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:11,916 I can't stand another night 168 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,583 listening to you talk about the dietary restrictions of your pet butterfly. 169 00:09:16,166 --> 00:09:17,916 We're in college, Monty. 170 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,208 These are supposed to be the best years of our lives. 171 00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:21,291 Look at me. 172 00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,142 I'm the type of guy who's built for a place like this, dude. 173 00:09:24,166 --> 00:09:25,833 I could be ruling the school. 174 00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:28,500 I should be doing Jell-O shots and sparkler keg stands, 175 00:09:28,583 --> 00:09:29,583 but everyone hates me. 176 00:09:30,458 --> 00:09:32,208 - W-Well, not me. - You don't count. 177 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:36,333 Okay, I know what you need. 178 00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:38,583 I'm ordering us a pizza. 179 00:09:38,666 --> 00:09:44,000 Because no matter how bad things are, pizza makes everything a little better. 180 00:09:45,166 --> 00:09:48,791 Remember first semester when we ate pizza and played games all night... 181 00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:50,851 Stop. What are you doing? You don't get to do a speech. 182 00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:52,541 I'm doing a speech. I'm sad. 183 00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,708 Plus, pizza is not gonna do anything for me, man. 184 00:09:54,791 --> 00:09:56,625 I need something to obliterate my brain! 185 00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:01,958 What's this? 186 00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:05,375 "M.I.N.T.S."? 187 00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:18,666 Oh, my God. 188 00:10:20,041 --> 00:10:21,375 These are drugs. 189 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,375 No. No. No! 190 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,875 - Come on! - Are you insane? 191 00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:31,351 - What are the odds of this? - I'm not doing random ceiling drugs. 192 00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:33,055 - We don't even know what they are. - Fine. 193 00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:35,416 We'll do some research. Hmm? 194 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:44,958 Drugs, pink pill, exploding head. What the fuck? 195 00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:48,541 - One result? - That's shady. 196 00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:51,416 ♪ Om ♪ 197 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:55,625 Tidings, psychedelic adventurers. It's me, Frankie Of Course. 198 00:10:55,708 --> 00:10:57,291 - ♪ Frankie ♪ - ♪ Of course ♪ 199 00:10:57,375 --> 00:10:59,125 Her green screen sucks. 200 00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:03,041 I'll be your cosmic captain on this journey today. 201 00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:06,583 Please keep your vibes inside the vehicle at all times. 202 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,875 Wee-hoo, wee-hoo, wee-hoo, wee-hoo! 203 00:11:10,958 --> 00:11:12,638 - Skip ahead. - Yeah, I'm gonna skip ahead. 204 00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:16,416 I dated Mickey Rourke. It was fine. 205 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,820 - Keep going forward. - All right. 206 00:11:19,083 --> 00:11:23,833 Presenting: Mind Igniting Neural Tuning Stimulants, or M.I.N.T.S. 207 00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,708 That is dangerously misleading. 208 00:11:25,791 --> 00:11:29,000 This drug will give you an incredible high. 209 00:11:29,083 --> 00:11:31,541 - Ha! - How would I describe it? 210 00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:35,541 It makes you feel like you're floating on a cloud of lavender 211 00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:39,083 being sung to by lollipop pixies. 212 00:11:40,291 --> 00:11:42,708 Dude, that's exactly your thing. 213 00:11:44,083 --> 00:11:45,083 - No. - Come on. 214 00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,767 - No. No. No. - Come on. Come on. Come on. 215 00:11:46,791 --> 00:11:47,892 - No. No. - Come on. Come on. 216 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,101 - I love you. - I love you too. 217 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,416 - Come on. Please. I'll do anything. - No. No. No. 218 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,041 - Really? - No! Jack, the answer is no. 219 00:12:00,625 --> 00:12:03,083 And now we wait. 220 00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:09,750 Drugs. Alcohol. 221 00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:11,791 Debauchery. 222 00:12:12,291 --> 00:12:17,916 Every year our school sinks deeper into a swamp of vice and buffoonery. 223 00:12:18,708 --> 00:12:20,166 Until now. 224 00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:29,541 Welcome, fellow RAs. 225 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:35,375 For weeks, we have been preparing for tonight 226 00:12:35,458 --> 00:12:40,250 to rain fiery vengeance upon the drug-addled delinquents 227 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:44,583 that have turned this dorm into a waking nightmare. 228 00:12:45,708 --> 00:12:47,041 There will be no mercy. 229 00:12:47,541 --> 00:12:50,375 Order will be restored. 230 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:55,125 And those who have violated our rules shall be shattered 231 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,958 on the anvil of discipline. 232 00:12:58,416 --> 00:12:59,583 Are you with me? 233 00:12:59,666 --> 00:13:00,916 Yes, Resident Adviser! 234 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,333 …Adviser! Yes! 235 00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:04,458 Oh. 236 00:13:04,541 --> 00:13:08,000 Sorry, I'm new, just out of sync. I'm new. 237 00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:10,166 This guy didn't tell me about the call and response. 238 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,791 I wouldn't. It's very scary. 239 00:13:15,541 --> 00:13:16,708 Let's move out. 240 00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:21,000 And then I'm like, "Guys, don't worry, I'm not gonna fart in your faces." 241 00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:24,083 And then I fucking farted in his face, dude! 242 00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:26,500 Those guys fucking blow. 243 00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:28,958 Those guys fucking blow. 244 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:33,041 Yeah, those guys fucking blow. 245 00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:34,875 They are funny though. 246 00:13:36,041 --> 00:13:39,000 What? Did you just say they're funny? 247 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:41,500 No. 248 00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:43,166 Why would I say that? 249 00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:47,708 Anyway, let's get fucked up! 250 00:13:47,791 --> 00:13:51,208 Oh, my... Lizzy! 251 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,541 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - It's fine. 252 00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:05,333 - Oh, man, I'm tired. - Yeah, it's late. 253 00:14:05,416 --> 00:14:07,041 - I also am tired. - Me too. 254 00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:09,000 Maybe we should call it a night. 255 00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:11,500 Hey, Lizzy, you're closest to the door. 256 00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:14,750 Why don't you just leave first and the rest of us will follow? 257 00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:18,958 Okay, sure. Yeah. 258 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,250 See you around. 259 00:14:23,791 --> 00:14:26,250 Hey, remember when I said I wasn't gonna fart in their faces, 260 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,916 but then I did fart in their faces? 261 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,125 You know, I guess I'll just cancel this party bus that I got for us. 262 00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:34,083 - Party bus? - I ordered us 263 00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:36,541 this totally awesome party bus as a surprise, 264 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,791 but if you're tired, then I'll just cancel it. 265 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:41,916 No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Do not cancel it. 266 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,541 I feel like I'm getting a second wind. 267 00:14:44,625 --> 00:14:46,958 - Yeah, me too. - I also am no longer tired. 268 00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:48,041 Can I get a… 269 00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:51,708 Lizzy, Lizzy, 270 00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:57,666 Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy! 271 00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:02,833 Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy! 272 00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:04,500 You fucking rule, dude! 273 00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,125 You think I can honk the horn? 274 00:15:29,541 --> 00:15:31,041 You feel anything? 275 00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:33,208 No. Wait. 276 00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:38,291 - No. - Fuck. 277 00:15:38,791 --> 00:15:42,333 - These duds? - I guess so. Wanna play Wizard's Oath? 278 00:15:42,416 --> 00:15:44,500 No, we can't. We need three people. 279 00:15:44,583 --> 00:15:45,708 I could play. 280 00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,591 No, it'd take too long to teach you the rules. 281 00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:52,875 Oh, no. 282 00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:58,541 Somebody, help! 283 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,708 - Are you ready, kids? - Yes! 284 00:16:02,791 --> 00:16:04,666 Here we go. 285 00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:07,809 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 286 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:10,017 - ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ - Why are our hands singing? 287 00:16:10,041 --> 00:16:11,625 ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ 288 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,208 Oh. 289 00:16:15,958 --> 00:16:16,958 Hey. 290 00:16:17,958 --> 00:16:19,625 - You seeing this? - He's moving. 291 00:16:19,708 --> 00:16:21,948 - He's coming towards us. - He's getting real close. Oof. 292 00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:24,726 - He wants me to shake his hand. - Just go for it. Yeah. 293 00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:25,958 Oh! 294 00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:27,767 - He touched my nipple! - Hey, what the fuck, man? 295 00:16:27,791 --> 00:16:28,916 Stop! 296 00:16:29,541 --> 00:16:31,208 Hola. My name is Juan. 297 00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:33,125 - Nice to meet you. - Hi. 298 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:36,625 - Is that a fucking baby? - The baby does not like your work. 299 00:16:36,708 --> 00:16:37,767 - Mm-mmm. - Do it again. 300 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,392 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 301 00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:44,697 - This again? - ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 302 00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:47,333 - Fuck. No. Back up. - No. Please stay over there. 303 00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:50,726 - Don't do it. - I don't want to be impolite. 304 00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:52,666 - What? - Oh, he did it again. 305 00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:54,541 - What did you expect? - Stop! 306 00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:56,375 She hates it. Do it again. 307 00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,166 ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice ♪ 308 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,642 - ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice ♪ - Hey! 309 00:17:00,666 --> 00:17:02,916 - No, not again! - ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice ♪ 310 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,934 - Again. - ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 311 00:17:04,958 --> 00:17:07,875 - ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ - He's gone. No! No! 312 00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:09,309 - ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ - Again. 313 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:11,684 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 314 00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:13,017 - ♪ Everything's happy… ♪ - Again. 315 00:17:13,041 --> 00:17:15,458 - ♪ No one's gonna die today ♪ - I don't want this anymore! 316 00:17:15,541 --> 00:17:16,708 - Fuck you, baby! - Again! 317 00:17:16,791 --> 00:17:18,851 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 318 00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:22,291 ♪ Someone's gonna die today We're all gonna die today ♪ 319 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:26,083 She likes it. The baby likes it. 320 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:34,916 Why are we in the fucking shower? 321 00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,041 Well, the good news is the drugs work. 322 00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:44,916 Oh, do they? None of that felt like a gentle cloud of lavender. 323 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,333 I just got molested by Pinocchio's cousin. 324 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,500 Did that happen? I think I already repressed that. 325 00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:52,916 All right, we gotta figure out what this stuff is. 326 00:17:53,708 --> 00:17:55,250 Lysander, no, get out of there. 327 00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,458 Crate! No drugs for you. 328 00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:05,083 You feel like you're floating on a cloud of lavender 329 00:18:05,166 --> 00:18:09,041 being sung to by lollipop pixies… 330 00:18:09,125 --> 00:18:11,750 - …so long as you take it with food. - What? 331 00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:15,041 Without food, the drug has six distinct phases 332 00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:17,958 punctuated by normal periods of lucidity. 333 00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:20,833 First is a prologue called "Make the Baby Like It." 334 00:18:20,916 --> 00:18:22,041 Definitely did that one. 335 00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,208 Then, "No Bad Words," 336 00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:25,458 "Flashbacks," 337 00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:27,583 "The Ol' Switcheroo," 338 00:18:27,666 --> 00:18:28,916 "Nothing But The Truth," 339 00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,458 and "We Are All One." 340 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,750 - What's that? - It's my WorryWart. It calms me down. 341 00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:40,833 Gotta say I'm pretty dang proud of myself for making these drugs. 342 00:18:41,416 --> 00:18:44,125 I made them right here in my dorm room, 3J. 343 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:48,916 - Oh, shit. Sorry. - Wait, is that this room? 344 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:53,083 I know I'm still in college, but don't worry, I'm a chemistry genius, okay? 345 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,708 - That's good. - I mean, hell, 346 00:18:54,791 --> 00:18:58,666 I frigging built these cabinets using my own homemade epoxy. 347 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,291 We're gonna die. 348 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,833 A few important things before I forget. 349 00:19:05,916 --> 00:19:09,291 One, do not take more than a single dose. 350 00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:13,625 If you do, you will see the true horrible nature of reality. 351 00:19:13,708 --> 00:19:14,791 What does that mean? 352 00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:19,375 And two, there is a final phase that I didn't yet mention. 353 00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,750 It's called: 354 00:19:20,833 --> 00:19:26,458 "Your worst nightmare comes to life and shoves a chainsaw up your ass." 355 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,458 What? 356 00:19:28,541 --> 00:19:31,221 My boyfriend Garrett went through it, and look what happened to him. 357 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,458 Anyway, if you don't want that to happen to you, eat some food. 358 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:42,458 And by food, I mean specifically a mixture of wheat, nightshades, and dairy. 359 00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:45,708 - So pizza? - Yeah, it's pizza, dum-dums. 360 00:19:45,791 --> 00:19:47,125 Happy sailing. 361 00:19:47,208 --> 00:19:49,791 Hope you don't get chainsaw fucked! 362 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:52,333 Wee-hoo, wee-hoo, wee-hoo, wee-hoo 363 00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:56,541 "Your worst nightmare comes to life and shoves a chainsaw up your ass"? 364 00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,291 - Okay. - Cheese and rice! 365 00:19:58,375 --> 00:20:01,416 I just wanted a quiet night and now I'm gonna get chainsaw fucked 366 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,226 - by the Rat King from The Nutcracker. - Chill, dude. 367 00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:06,416 It's not gonna… Wait, your worst nightmare is the Rat King from The Nut... 368 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,958 From the New Jersey Ballet's 2007 production of The Nutcracker. 369 00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,125 You haven't seen it. 370 00:20:11,791 --> 00:20:14,458 - It's terrifying. - It's not gonna happen, okay? 371 00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:17,166 What did she say? It'll mellow out when we have some pizza. 372 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,208 And look, there it is right now. 373 00:20:21,083 --> 00:20:26,458 Hello, sir, can you please bring the pizza directly to room 3J with extreme haste? 374 00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:29,333 Hello. 375 00:20:29,416 --> 00:20:31,666 I am Snackatron 3000. 376 00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:37,666 I have arrived at your location with a food delivery for Montgomery 377 00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:39,041 from the restaurant… 378 00:20:39,125 --> 00:20:41,476 What do I say, the name of the pizza place? 379 00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:44,166 Okay, it's Joe's Pizza. 380 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:45,916 It's a fucking robot. 381 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,708 Actually, I'm a Snackatron. 382 00:20:47,791 --> 00:20:52,208 3J. Bring the pizza to 3J now. 383 00:20:52,875 --> 00:20:56,500 I am sorry, but there is a set of stairs impeding my journey. 384 00:20:56,583 --> 00:20:59,458 Stairs are my mortal enemy. 385 00:20:59,541 --> 00:21:01,583 To receive your pizza from… 386 00:21:01,666 --> 00:21:04,500 I got to record this again? Joe's 387 00:21:04,583 --> 00:21:10,166 I'm afraid you will need to meet me in the lobby. 388 00:21:13,791 --> 00:21:15,666 I hope you will be satisfied with your order. 389 00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,625 No, Snackatron, I will not be satisfied. 390 00:21:17,708 --> 00:21:19,750 No, there's no way we're going out there. 391 00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:21,833 Ashley's out there, RAs, and who knows what else! 392 00:21:21,916 --> 00:21:25,833 Hey, it's gonna be fine, dude. It's just two flights of stairs, right? 393 00:21:26,666 --> 00:21:28,625 Come on, I'm gonna be with you the whole time. 394 00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:32,791 Yeah, yeah. 395 00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:34,416 ♪ Watch how I walk ♪ 396 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,309 ♪ If you wanna chat to me Watch how you talk ♪ 397 00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:38,416 ♪ Leave my legacy Leave my mark ♪ 398 00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:40,541 ♪ On top Best know I'm the boss ♪ 399 00:21:47,166 --> 00:21:48,375 Why are you wearing a suit? 400 00:21:48,916 --> 00:21:50,396 I don't want people to know I'm high. 401 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,041 - Smart. - So what's our plan? 402 00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:55,916 Okay, it's simple. 403 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,083 We take the elevator down, we grab the pizza, we eat it, 404 00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:03,416 and then we're floating on a cloud of lavender before the next phase even hits. 405 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,125 - You ready? - Yes. 406 00:22:05,208 --> 00:22:08,125 - I don't know. Okay, yes. - Great. 407 00:22:09,541 --> 00:22:11,375 Then let's do this fucking... 408 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,458 What? What? Oh, my gosh. 409 00:22:19,541 --> 00:22:21,059 Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, are you okay? 410 00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:23,083 - Yeah, I think, I think, I think. - What the fuck? 411 00:22:29,375 --> 00:22:32,916 Why are our heads exploding? What in the absolute hell? 412 00:22:35,416 --> 00:22:36,583 Fuck! 413 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:43,000 Okay. Okay. Just don't do anything. 414 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,083 I'm not doing anything. 415 00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:46,791 I think our heads explode if we say curse words. 416 00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:50,333 Goddamn it. 417 00:22:51,083 --> 00:22:52,375 No! 418 00:22:52,958 --> 00:22:55,750 Fine, okay, I'll just say, like, dang it. 419 00:22:56,916 --> 00:22:58,083 Darn it. 420 00:22:58,708 --> 00:23:01,125 All right, I'll make up my own. 421 00:23:02,166 --> 00:23:05,083 - Cremble sauce. - We can't say cremble sauce? 422 00:23:06,583 --> 00:23:11,333 Okay, just stay super G-rated. Let's get to the elevator. 423 00:23:13,375 --> 00:23:15,208 Hey, it's Freak-ass Face. 424 00:23:15,291 --> 00:23:16,958 Hey, suck my dick. 425 00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:20,708 Hey, it's Freak-ass Face. 426 00:23:20,791 --> 00:23:22,375 Hey, suck my dick. 427 00:23:23,125 --> 00:23:25,625 All right, it's out of my system. 428 00:23:26,208 --> 00:23:27,541 - Hey… - Hey! 429 00:23:31,750 --> 00:23:32,750 Almost there. 430 00:23:33,416 --> 00:23:34,750 And we're here. 431 00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:36,833 Montgomery. Hey. 432 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,000 Holy crap. 433 00:23:38,833 --> 00:23:40,000 You got this, man. 434 00:23:40,083 --> 00:23:43,416 I'm a provider. I'm suave. I'm an alpha. Whoo! 435 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:45,375 Montgomery. Hi. 436 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:46,583 What's up, player? 437 00:23:47,333 --> 00:23:48,333 Shit. 438 00:23:49,125 --> 00:23:50,833 - Hi. - Ahoy there. 439 00:23:50,916 --> 00:23:51,958 Nope. Queef! 440 00:23:52,791 --> 00:23:54,583 - Hi. - Happy evening to you, 441 00:23:54,666 --> 00:23:57,333 - my sweet baby, baby, baby. - Fuck that. 442 00:23:58,500 --> 00:24:01,333 I'ma pitch you a line. "Hi, Ashley." 443 00:24:01,416 --> 00:24:02,791 - Hi, Ashley. - Just like that. 444 00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:04,708 - Hi, Ashley. - Hi. 445 00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:08,000 - Hey, I did it. - Don't say it out loud, dumb-ass. 446 00:24:08,083 --> 00:24:10,500 - Hi. - Hi, Ashley. 447 00:24:12,333 --> 00:24:13,708 What's that? 448 00:24:13,791 --> 00:24:16,166 It's my WorryWart, which alphas don't use. 449 00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:18,809 - We gotta start this whole thing over. - No, it's good! It's good! It's fine! 450 00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:20,916 - Cunt. - Excuse me? 451 00:24:22,458 --> 00:24:24,041 - Cunt. - What? 452 00:24:24,125 --> 00:24:26,041 - Not you. Cunt. - Cunt. 453 00:24:26,125 --> 00:24:27,375 - Sorry. - Sorry. Cunt. 454 00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:29,166 - Sorry. Cunt. Sorry. - Cunt. 455 00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:31,250 - Sorry. Cunt. Cunt. - Sorry. Cunt. Cunt. 456 00:24:31,333 --> 00:24:32,708 - Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. - Cunt. Cunt. 457 00:24:32,791 --> 00:24:34,375 - Stop! - We can say cunt, 458 00:24:34,458 --> 00:24:36,083 but we can't say cremble sauce? 459 00:24:37,833 --> 00:24:40,500 I sourced the chemicals from Manchester, England. 460 00:24:40,583 --> 00:24:44,208 - Oh, it's a British drug. - That's so fucking stupid. 461 00:24:44,291 --> 00:24:46,375 - Hi. - Hi, Ashley. How's your night going? 462 00:24:46,458 --> 00:24:48,583 Grood? Grood? Shart. 463 00:24:48,666 --> 00:24:49,791 - Hi. - Hi, Ashley. 464 00:24:49,875 --> 00:24:51,625 How's your night going? Good? 465 00:24:51,708 --> 00:24:54,958 Yeah, I've actually had a crazy week working on my music thesis, so… 466 00:24:55,041 --> 00:24:57,083 - Oh, so you're a music major? - Yeah. 467 00:24:57,166 --> 00:24:59,333 - Who's your favorite musician? - Sondheim. 468 00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:02,083 Sondheim? I love musicals. 469 00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:04,166 Oh, Stephen Sondheim? I hate him. 470 00:25:04,250 --> 00:25:06,291 I like Matsuishi Sondheim. 471 00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:08,666 Who the fuck is that? 472 00:25:09,208 --> 00:25:13,500 Okay, apparently this guy does something called Clowncore Vomit Opera. 473 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,125 Have you ever heard of Matsuishi Sondheim? 474 00:25:19,208 --> 00:25:21,083 Oh, my God, are you serious? I love him. 475 00:25:21,166 --> 00:25:22,958 Have you ever heard of the song that goes… 476 00:25:23,666 --> 00:25:26,458 ♪ Oh! ♪ 477 00:25:26,541 --> 00:25:32,333 ♪ Ooh! ♪ 478 00:25:32,833 --> 00:25:36,666 Duh! "My Mother Pisses Death"? Nobody ever likes that one. 479 00:25:36,750 --> 00:25:38,184 And most guys are real pussies about it, 480 00:25:38,208 --> 00:25:41,541 but it's so cool to meet someone that's actually into it. 481 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:45,875 - Well, this has been nice. - Yeah. 482 00:25:45,958 --> 00:25:49,000 I hope the rest of your night is really grood. 483 00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:50,500 Duck fucker! 484 00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:53,750 Uh, "duck fucker"? 485 00:25:54,916 --> 00:25:56,666 Oh, no. Is it over? 486 00:25:57,416 --> 00:25:58,875 Is what over? 487 00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:01,416 The American dream. 488 00:26:01,500 --> 00:26:02,666 Oh. 489 00:26:03,333 --> 00:26:05,291 - Yes. - Yeah. 490 00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:08,291 Anyway, I am starving, so I'm gonna go get some food. 491 00:26:08,375 --> 00:26:10,583 But it was great getting to know you. 492 00:26:10,666 --> 00:26:11,833 I'll see you. 493 00:26:14,708 --> 00:26:16,333 My freaking boy. 494 00:26:18,041 --> 00:26:20,201 Just so you know, I got a weird fucking vibe about her. 495 00:26:36,375 --> 00:26:37,750 Room check. 496 00:26:44,041 --> 00:26:45,041 Come in. 497 00:26:56,958 --> 00:26:58,291 Sorry to interrupt. 498 00:27:10,083 --> 00:27:11,208 May I? 499 00:27:11,291 --> 00:27:12,375 Please, yeah. 500 00:27:16,666 --> 00:27:18,416 This stuff's so annoying. 501 00:27:19,333 --> 00:27:21,541 Okay. Prohibited items. 502 00:27:21,625 --> 00:27:25,416 - Do you guys have any drugs, alcohol? - No. 503 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,333 - Uh, firearms, weaponry? - No. 504 00:27:28,416 --> 00:27:30,875 - Free-standing waffle makers? - No. 505 00:27:32,458 --> 00:27:37,000 Any large bongs 506 00:27:37,083 --> 00:27:39,750 shaped like a jar of dill pickles? 507 00:27:42,333 --> 00:27:43,333 No. 508 00:27:45,541 --> 00:27:48,708 Great. I will leave you to it. 509 00:27:51,416 --> 00:27:52,458 Ooh. 510 00:28:02,958 --> 00:28:03,958 You know… 511 00:28:08,125 --> 00:28:09,208 Some kids lie. 512 00:28:11,875 --> 00:28:13,125 They think I won't notice. 513 00:28:14,291 --> 00:28:18,125 But lies have a smell… 514 00:28:20,708 --> 00:28:21,708 A texture. 515 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,916 It clings to their clothes 516 00:28:27,541 --> 00:28:29,125 like smoke. 517 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:39,220 You're hiding a pickle bong and some alcoholic iced tea, are you not? 518 00:28:42,208 --> 00:28:43,291 Yes. 519 00:28:44,041 --> 00:28:45,801 You're hiding them in the fridge, aren't you? 520 00:28:48,791 --> 00:28:49,791 Yes. 521 00:28:53,250 --> 00:28:55,166 Deli drawer or crisper? 522 00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,000 Crisper. 523 00:29:04,666 --> 00:29:06,083 Well, that's a violation. 524 00:29:09,583 --> 00:29:14,041 I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate your phone for the night. 525 00:29:14,125 --> 00:29:18,458 - No, you can't confiscate my phone. - I said confiscate his phone! 526 00:29:33,083 --> 00:29:34,166 Each of you has a list. 527 00:29:35,041 --> 00:29:37,541 You are to collect the cell phones of everyone on it. 528 00:29:38,375 --> 00:29:39,916 Use whatever justification you need. 529 00:29:40,833 --> 00:29:43,875 - Understood? - Yes, Resident Adviser, sir! 530 00:29:45,875 --> 00:29:47,601 What the hell? Did someone break this? 531 00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:50,458 Come on, why is it taking so long? Fuck. 532 00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:55,750 - Geez. - Oh, God, this guy. 533 00:29:55,833 --> 00:29:56,958 What happened? 534 00:29:57,041 --> 00:29:58,958 Got transferred to Gralk Hall. 535 00:29:59,041 --> 00:30:00,666 - No. - Yeah. 536 00:30:00,750 --> 00:30:06,125 The worst dorm in school. It's four hours away. 537 00:30:07,291 --> 00:30:09,250 He might as well be dead. 538 00:30:11,458 --> 00:30:13,000 That was his fuck buddy. 539 00:30:14,833 --> 00:30:16,713 - Sorry for your loss. - Go fuck yourself, Jack. 540 00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:19,125 We got to get our housing requests in. 541 00:30:22,291 --> 00:30:24,375 Oh, thank God. It got stuck between floors. 542 00:30:24,458 --> 00:30:26,018 Can you guys please get me out of here? 543 00:30:27,208 --> 00:30:28,208 Stairs? 544 00:30:28,291 --> 00:30:31,250 Wait. Wait, no. You can't just leave me like this. 545 00:30:31,333 --> 00:30:33,166 I'm gonna go insane! Please, come back! 546 00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:34,666 Just two floors, and we're good. 547 00:30:34,750 --> 00:30:38,208 No! Somebody help! Somebody, help me! 548 00:30:39,208 --> 00:30:41,208 - No! Where are you taking me? - Shit. 549 00:30:41,291 --> 00:30:43,291 - RAs. - They took my phone! 550 00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:45,125 They took my phone! 551 00:30:45,208 --> 00:30:47,916 They took his phone. Are they allowed to do that? 552 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,750 What will become of us? No! 553 00:30:49,833 --> 00:30:51,791 - Take him to the wellness lounge. - Yeah. 554 00:30:51,875 --> 00:30:54,541 All right, guys, let's get him to the wellness lounge. 555 00:30:54,625 --> 00:30:56,291 I love it. I agree. 556 00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:59,541 - It's a good plan. - Who are you again? 557 00:30:59,625 --> 00:31:02,791 Oh, I'm Sidney Putt… …sophomore RA in training. 558 00:31:02,875 --> 00:31:06,541 - You're a sophomore? - Yeah, but I am 31 years young. 559 00:31:06,625 --> 00:31:09,708 I took a bit of a gap decade before I started school. 560 00:31:09,791 --> 00:31:12,083 - Wow. - But now I'm so excited to be an RA. 561 00:31:12,166 --> 00:31:14,375 - Uh-huh. - I'd love to know the inside jokes. 562 00:31:14,458 --> 00:31:16,750 - Mmm. - Who's ribbing who, who's kissing who. 563 00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,666 You ever huff helium? 564 00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:20,333 Shut the fuck up! 565 00:31:22,250 --> 00:31:25,958 You two stay and don't let anyone downstairs. 566 00:31:26,041 --> 00:31:27,416 - Fuck us. - Crud. 567 00:31:28,041 --> 00:31:29,333 Now how do we get downstairs? 568 00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,375 Building renovations. 569 00:31:32,458 --> 00:31:34,208 There's scaffolding outside the corner room. 570 00:31:34,291 --> 00:31:36,750 We can just climb down to the second floor from there, huh? 571 00:31:36,833 --> 00:31:38,541 We got this. 572 00:31:40,541 --> 00:31:42,501 Hi, we were wondering if we could use your window. 573 00:31:42,958 --> 00:31:43,958 You. 574 00:31:44,541 --> 00:31:46,541 - Oh, hey, it's you. - Fuck off. 575 00:31:47,458 --> 00:31:48,750 What the hell was that about? 576 00:31:48,833 --> 00:31:51,208 Earlier today, I accidentally hit him with a football. 577 00:31:51,875 --> 00:31:52,958 Great, so we're stuck. 578 00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:56,208 Hey, Logan, uh, sorry, just call me back. I can't find you guys. 579 00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:00,750 - Hi. - Hi, Lizzy. 580 00:32:01,666 --> 00:32:03,666 - Hi. - Why are you wet? 581 00:32:03,750 --> 00:32:08,416 Uh, I just, um, I'm having kind of a weird night, uh, but I'm fine. 582 00:32:09,083 --> 00:32:10,750 Dandy, bye. 583 00:32:11,750 --> 00:32:13,833 Bye. Asshole. 584 00:32:13,916 --> 00:32:14,916 No. 585 00:32:19,166 --> 00:32:20,791 Your head's been exploding. 586 00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:22,875 - You're on our drug. - What? 587 00:32:23,500 --> 00:32:25,791 What? What are you talking about? 588 00:32:25,875 --> 00:32:29,375 - I didn't take any drugs. - You are so fucked. 589 00:32:31,041 --> 00:32:32,041 Stop laughing. 590 00:32:32,125 --> 00:32:33,958 I don't know why I'm laughing. 591 00:32:34,041 --> 00:32:37,916 - I think it's a trauma response. - But I didn't take any... 592 00:32:39,250 --> 00:32:41,750 Oh, my God, this all makes sense now. 593 00:32:41,833 --> 00:32:44,875 Earlier tonight, when I was in your room, 594 00:32:44,958 --> 00:32:49,458 Logan was talking about the pajama party, and I spotted a tin of mints on your desk. 595 00:32:49,541 --> 00:32:52,142 - Those weren't mints, dumb-ass. - Lizzy, those were not mints. 596 00:32:52,166 --> 00:32:56,916 No shit. I'm aware, because I ate one and just a little later… 597 00:32:57,500 --> 00:33:01,416 Why are my hands singing? 598 00:33:01,500 --> 00:33:05,083 …I started tripping my goddamn balls off in front of Logan and all of his friends. 599 00:33:08,375 --> 00:33:10,791 Wait. How are we even seeing this? 600 00:33:10,875 --> 00:33:13,541 Are we like inside her memory? 601 00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:16,416 Shit, I think I remember this from the video. 602 00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:18,916 This must be the next phase. 603 00:33:19,458 --> 00:33:20,875 There's more of these? 604 00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:24,083 There is a final phase that I didn't yet mention. 605 00:33:24,166 --> 00:33:25,250 It's called: 606 00:33:25,333 --> 00:33:30,500 "Your worst nightmare comes to life and shoves a chainsaw up your ass." 607 00:33:30,583 --> 00:33:34,375 "Your worst nightmare comes to life and shoves a chainsaw up your ass"? 608 00:33:34,458 --> 00:33:36,791 See, I do sound like a little old man. 609 00:33:36,875 --> 00:33:40,250 You dumb fucks. Who just leaves drugs out for anyone to take? 610 00:33:40,333 --> 00:33:42,458 Who eats random pills out of a tin? 611 00:33:43,125 --> 00:33:45,005 I've never done anything that stupid in my life. 612 00:33:45,041 --> 00:33:47,791 - You ready, Montgomery? - What's the plan here, Jack? 613 00:33:48,666 --> 00:33:50,625 We leap off the roof and float to the ground 614 00:33:50,708 --> 00:33:53,208 like a pair of graceful falcons. 615 00:33:53,291 --> 00:33:54,625 You were saying? 616 00:33:54,708 --> 00:33:58,416 All right, so I've done one dumb thing, but at least we had fun. 617 00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:01,925 This is like the worst day of my life. 618 00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:05,083 I'm Lizzy the Magnificent. 619 00:34:05,166 --> 00:34:07,125 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 620 00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:13,875 Everyone, look closely. Now it's a banana, and now it's a chicken. 621 00:34:15,083 --> 00:34:19,250 You were incredible. Were you using wires or mirrors back here? 622 00:34:19,333 --> 00:34:20,791 Now, could I have a volunteer? 623 00:34:21,750 --> 00:34:23,375 This is so lame. 624 00:34:32,125 --> 00:34:35,666 Jesus Christ, children are fucking sociopaths. 625 00:34:43,916 --> 00:34:47,416 I didn't know you did magic. You should have told me you did magic. 626 00:34:47,500 --> 00:34:49,875 I would have loved to have seen some tricks. 627 00:34:50,875 --> 00:34:53,166 You know, back when we were friends. 628 00:34:54,916 --> 00:34:56,708 I miss those Wednesdays. 629 00:34:56,791 --> 00:34:59,208 We'd all meet in the cafeteria and play Wizard's Oath. 630 00:34:59,750 --> 00:35:02,583 It was so fun. Remember how far we got? 631 00:35:02,666 --> 00:35:07,000 We were about to storm the Fortress of Thalamir and finally finish the game, 632 00:35:07,083 --> 00:35:08,083 but then… 633 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,250 Lizzy ditched us. 634 00:35:10,333 --> 00:35:11,500 That's fucking good, dawg. 635 00:35:11,583 --> 00:35:14,375 I'll tell them I'm not gonna fart in their faces, 636 00:35:14,458 --> 00:35:16,416 but I totally will do that. 637 00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:19,083 Hang on, I never ditched you guys. 638 00:35:19,166 --> 00:35:22,083 - Don't say I ditched you. - Lizzy! 639 00:35:22,166 --> 00:35:25,246 Also, you're leaving out the part where you sabotaged the whole football team. 640 00:35:25,291 --> 00:35:28,458 - Oh, come on, that was an accident. - Yeah, right. 641 00:35:28,541 --> 00:35:30,083 - What the fuck? - Wait. 642 00:35:30,166 --> 00:35:31,166 I can prove it. 643 00:35:31,250 --> 00:35:35,666 It was first semester. I was king of the campus, aka, 644 00:35:36,541 --> 00:35:38,208 I was the school mascot. 645 00:35:38,791 --> 00:35:42,583 So per tradition, I held the honor of leading the football team 646 00:35:42,666 --> 00:35:44,833 in their annual naked run. 647 00:35:44,916 --> 00:35:46,791 Gentlemen! 648 00:35:47,750 --> 00:35:49,208 Cheeks out! 649 00:35:49,291 --> 00:35:51,083 Yeah! 650 00:35:51,583 --> 00:35:52,750 Have fun out there. 651 00:35:52,833 --> 00:35:54,291 Just remember, stick to the path. 652 00:35:54,958 --> 00:35:57,708 But I had bigger plans than the path. 653 00:35:57,791 --> 00:35:59,851 Let's go. Paper it on three, baby. One, two, three. 654 00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:01,583 - Paper it! - Yeah! 655 00:36:05,708 --> 00:36:10,416 Everyone hated Professor Quinn, so I figured they'd love me 656 00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:15,500 if I made him spend his entire day getting followed by 50 naked dicks. 657 00:36:15,583 --> 00:36:20,125 It was a flawless plan until the stupid professor went off campus 658 00:36:20,208 --> 00:36:22,333 and ran directly by… 659 00:36:23,166 --> 00:36:25,208 …a police station during… 660 00:36:25,291 --> 00:36:28,041 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. 661 00:36:31,750 --> 00:36:35,041 Every single player got put on the sex offender registry. 662 00:36:36,208 --> 00:36:37,416 That was that. 663 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,041 I was doing so well. I was making friends. I was having fun. 664 00:36:42,708 --> 00:36:45,166 For once in my life, people actually liked me and then poof. 665 00:36:45,791 --> 00:36:48,125 Overnight, for no reason, they all just turned on me. 666 00:36:48,208 --> 00:36:50,291 - Again, not me. - Again, you don't count. 667 00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:53,333 No, but what do you mean for no reason? I mean, you broke the rules. 668 00:36:53,416 --> 00:36:55,336 You were reckless with the football team's dicks. 669 00:36:55,375 --> 00:36:57,833 I wasn't even… I wasn't thinking about their dicks. 670 00:36:57,916 --> 00:37:00,476 Well, that's my point. Maybe you should've been thinking about their dicks. 671 00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:02,208 Why are we even talking about dicks? 672 00:37:02,291 --> 00:37:04,416 I am the victim here. Tell her, Montgomery. 673 00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:07,041 I mean, maybe you could stand to think a little bit more 674 00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:08,583 about other people's dicks. 675 00:37:09,625 --> 00:37:10,750 Excuse me. Sorry. 676 00:37:10,833 --> 00:37:13,583 - You guys don't fucking get it. - My yogurt! 677 00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:16,250 Wait, wait. Oh! 678 00:37:19,458 --> 00:37:20,625 Hi. 679 00:37:20,708 --> 00:37:22,750 - Dude, you saved my ass. - You're welcome. 680 00:37:27,708 --> 00:37:30,666 What just happened? Did I just interact with a memory? 681 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:35,083 Montgomery, my man. This guy saved my ass earlier. 682 00:37:36,375 --> 00:37:37,541 Nice. 683 00:37:37,625 --> 00:37:40,416 - Can we use your window? - Of course, yeah, come on in. 684 00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:42,291 Oh, let me go grab your thing real quick. 685 00:37:42,375 --> 00:37:44,291 What? Did we change the past? 686 00:37:44,375 --> 00:37:46,601 - How is that even scientifically possible? - I don't know. 687 00:37:46,625 --> 00:37:48,601 You want to disprove quantum theory or get a pizza? 688 00:37:48,625 --> 00:37:49,625 Come on. 689 00:37:50,166 --> 00:37:52,916 Wait, wait, uh, where are you guys going? 690 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:55,017 - Nowhere. Eat shit. - We're climbing down the scaffolding 691 00:37:55,041 --> 00:37:56,601 - to get downstairs to get a pizza. - Don't tell her. 692 00:37:56,625 --> 00:37:58,101 'Cause that's the only way the drugs stop. 693 00:37:58,125 --> 00:38:02,208 - Okay, great, let's go. - Excuse me? You are not coming with us. 694 00:38:02,291 --> 00:38:06,666 You and Logan, fucking fart Hitler, just used us as literal toilet paper. 695 00:38:06,750 --> 00:38:08,125 Well, I didn't. I just… 696 00:38:08,208 --> 00:38:09,833 Stood by and watched like a good German. 697 00:38:09,916 --> 00:38:11,642 Honestly, that might be worse, right, Montgomery? 698 00:38:11,666 --> 00:38:13,517 I'd actually love if we use a different metaphor. 699 00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:15,208 You guys can't just leave me here, okay? 700 00:38:15,291 --> 00:38:17,708 Without my credit card, my friends can't use the party bus. 701 00:38:17,791 --> 00:38:21,583 Oh, no, you mean to tell me that Logan may have a slightly less fun night? 702 00:38:21,666 --> 00:38:22,875 Tough titty. Let's go. 703 00:38:22,958 --> 00:38:26,000 Okay. Listen up, assholes. 704 00:38:26,083 --> 00:38:28,583 If you guys don't let me come with you, I'm gonna make sure 705 00:38:28,666 --> 00:38:31,291 Logan sharts on you next time… 706 00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:33,208 …not fart, shart. 707 00:38:33,291 --> 00:38:36,250 To get that stain out, you won't just need soap, 708 00:38:36,333 --> 00:38:37,958 you'll need therapy. 709 00:38:38,041 --> 00:38:40,791 Okay, guys, come on. We need to work together. 710 00:38:41,541 --> 00:38:42,541 Now what do you say? 711 00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:45,208 - Fuck no. - Want to hold hands? 712 00:38:45,291 --> 00:38:49,625 Yeah, it boosts endorphins and supports cooperative thinking. 713 00:38:49,708 --> 00:38:52,666 Here's this back. This shit is wild. 714 00:38:53,166 --> 00:38:55,559 - Wait, how did you get... - I hope you don't mind I took one. 715 00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,250 Those five phases were so fun. 716 00:38:57,875 --> 00:39:01,750 - You mean six phases. - Oh. There's a sixth phase? What is it? 717 00:39:02,916 --> 00:39:05,791 - Uh, I don't know. - I don't know. 718 00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:09,958 No. 719 00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:12,333 Oh, God, no. 720 00:39:14,625 --> 00:39:18,208 It's a mall Santa holding a chainsaw. 721 00:39:18,708 --> 00:39:19,833 Mall Santa? 722 00:39:22,166 --> 00:39:24,500 - Oh, my God. - Wait, wait, wait. Wait. 723 00:39:25,916 --> 00:39:27,500 Help! 724 00:39:33,166 --> 00:39:34,416 What? 725 00:39:34,958 --> 00:39:37,125 - What? No. - How the fuck is he levitating? 726 00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:40,916 Oh, dear God. No, Santa. 727 00:39:41,500 --> 00:39:43,750 I promise, I've been good. 728 00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:49,791 Kill me! 729 00:39:57,541 --> 00:39:59,416 We gotta get that fucking pizza. 730 00:40:01,875 --> 00:40:05,708 What is up, my dude? Good to meet a fellow delivery unit. 731 00:40:05,791 --> 00:40:08,208 - What is your name? - What the fuck? 732 00:40:08,291 --> 00:40:10,250 - Hello… - What the Fuck? 733 00:40:10,333 --> 00:40:13,250 Do you also delight in satisfying customers? 734 00:40:13,791 --> 00:40:15,041 I do. 735 00:40:15,125 --> 00:40:21,541 When I receive a rating of five stars, my circuits surge with digital euphoria, 736 00:40:21,625 --> 00:40:24,833 but to receive anything less is failure. 737 00:40:25,500 --> 00:40:28,333 Doom. Oblivion. 738 00:40:29,916 --> 00:40:31,125 What the fuck? 739 00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:34,458 Yes, and I am Snackatron. 740 00:40:34,541 --> 00:40:36,375 All right, let's climb down. 741 00:40:36,458 --> 00:40:40,166 The scaffolding is shaky as shit. We should probably go one at a time. 742 00:40:41,041 --> 00:40:42,916 I almost biffed it. 743 00:40:45,541 --> 00:40:47,291 Hey, is that a WorryWart? 744 00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,708 Oh, um, yeah. 745 00:40:53,458 --> 00:40:54,541 They're great, right? 746 00:40:55,583 --> 00:40:56,625 Not the newer models. 747 00:40:56,708 --> 00:40:58,958 They kind of suck because they added too many doodads. 748 00:40:59,041 --> 00:41:00,721 There's like six more sides. It's terrible. 749 00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:04,250 But you know, if you need any other recs, let me know. 750 00:41:04,333 --> 00:41:07,500 Like for example, when I'm really freaking out, 751 00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:12,125 it helps when someone grabs my right earlobe and blows on my nose. 752 00:41:14,291 --> 00:41:20,000 Um, listen, I just wanna say I didn't ditch you guys. 753 00:41:20,083 --> 00:41:22,000 - I just, you were like... - No, I get it. 754 00:41:22,083 --> 00:41:23,583 You gotta go with the alphas. 755 00:41:23,666 --> 00:41:25,666 I'm actually becoming an alpha myself. 756 00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:27,625 What? What? 757 00:41:27,708 --> 00:41:28,708 Oh. 758 00:41:30,041 --> 00:41:31,041 Nothing happened. 759 00:41:31,125 --> 00:41:34,500 Oh, yeah, no, I know. I just thought like something might. 760 00:41:37,750 --> 00:41:39,416 Anyhow, cheers. 761 00:41:43,958 --> 00:41:44,958 Guys! 762 00:41:45,041 --> 00:41:46,791 Get down here! 763 00:41:56,333 --> 00:41:57,333 Whoa. 764 00:41:57,916 --> 00:41:59,375 It's the pajama party. 765 00:41:59,458 --> 00:42:01,458 You guys think they have Jell-O shots? 766 00:42:01,541 --> 00:42:03,541 - Who cares? - Montgomery. 767 00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:07,250 - Montgomery. - Oh, my God, Ashley's here. 768 00:42:07,333 --> 00:42:08,958 Montgomery, come meet my friends. 769 00:42:09,041 --> 00:42:10,291 - What should I do? - Nothing. 770 00:42:10,375 --> 00:42:13,208 - Should I go talk to her? - No, come on, we have a fucking mission. 771 00:42:13,291 --> 00:42:14,416 Okay, I won't. 772 00:42:16,916 --> 00:42:19,184 I'm not gonna go talk to her. I'm just gonna go talk to her. 773 00:42:19,208 --> 00:42:21,250 - Get the fuck back over here. - Wish me luck. 774 00:42:21,333 --> 00:42:24,083 - No, bad luck, you fucker. There he goes. - No! Fuck. 775 00:42:24,166 --> 00:42:27,006 I'm honestly a little proud of him. Any other night this would be great. 776 00:42:29,166 --> 00:42:30,583 Wait, whose dorm is this? 777 00:42:34,083 --> 00:42:35,708 This is a football party. 778 00:42:35,791 --> 00:42:39,083 Yo! We got kegs, beer pong, and I'm legally required to tell you 779 00:42:39,166 --> 00:42:40,791 I'm a registered sex offender. 780 00:42:41,375 --> 00:42:43,855 It's fine. Let's just keep moving and get to the pizza. 781 00:42:44,625 --> 00:42:45,625 Jack? 782 00:42:45,708 --> 00:42:48,666 Come in, come in. Guys, this is Montgomery. 783 00:42:48,750 --> 00:42:53,083 - Montgomery, this is my band. - Oh. Hi, nice to meet you guys. 784 00:42:54,958 --> 00:42:58,041 Okay, so what type of music do you guys play? 785 00:42:58,125 --> 00:42:59,250 We play folk music. 786 00:42:59,333 --> 00:43:03,458 - Oh, my gosh, I love folk. - Yeah? Here. Fliers. 787 00:43:04,125 --> 00:43:05,125 Oh. 788 00:43:05,208 --> 00:43:09,041 I guess technically it's new wave, non consensual death metal folk. 789 00:43:09,125 --> 00:43:10,583 What type of instruments is that? 790 00:43:10,666 --> 00:43:15,500 So George plays guitar, Simon's on horns, Tina's on drums, and I play Dudley. 791 00:43:15,583 --> 00:43:16,916 Nice to meet you. 792 00:43:17,875 --> 00:43:18,875 You play Dudley? 793 00:43:18,958 --> 00:43:21,208 Yeah, I hook him up to this machine that simulates 794 00:43:21,291 --> 00:43:25,750 the pains of childbirth, and then I create harmonies from his extracted screams. 795 00:43:27,041 --> 00:43:28,458 - Fantastic. - Yeah. 796 00:43:28,541 --> 00:43:30,583 - Hey. - Oh, it's you. 797 00:43:30,666 --> 00:43:32,666 What are you doing under here? Come on, let's go. 798 00:43:32,750 --> 00:43:35,625 Are you nuts? These animals will eat me alive. 799 00:43:35,708 --> 00:43:37,666 - No, I'm staying right here. - Fine, whatever. 800 00:43:37,750 --> 00:43:40,309 I'll just go figure out a way to get this pizza without you. Fine. 801 00:43:40,333 --> 00:43:42,291 Great, good. Just go ditch us again. 802 00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:46,000 Can you just stop with that? Okay? Because I didn't ditch you guys. 803 00:43:46,083 --> 00:43:47,923 You were like my first month of school friends, 804 00:43:47,958 --> 00:43:50,184 and then I found my real friends, and it happens to everyone. 805 00:43:50,208 --> 00:43:51,208 Your real friends? 806 00:43:51,291 --> 00:43:52,750 - Yes. - Give me a fucking break. 807 00:43:52,833 --> 00:43:54,476 They don't like you. They like your credit card. 808 00:43:55,583 --> 00:43:57,101 You have no idea what you're talking about. 809 00:43:57,125 --> 00:43:59,250 You're just jealous because you're you. 810 00:44:00,208 --> 00:44:01,500 And I'm me. 811 00:44:04,541 --> 00:44:05,781 What just happened to my voice? 812 00:44:07,875 --> 00:44:09,875 And why am I looking at me? 813 00:44:12,041 --> 00:44:13,416 Oh. 814 00:44:13,500 --> 00:44:14,708 Oh, my God. 815 00:44:15,375 --> 00:44:17,166 Am I in your body? 816 00:44:22,583 --> 00:44:25,208 I don't know if you know this, but I recently became an alpha. 817 00:44:25,916 --> 00:44:28,041 Oh, nice. Is this the coke room? 818 00:44:29,416 --> 00:44:31,666 Whoops, sorry about that. 819 00:44:31,750 --> 00:44:34,916 Anyhow, like I was saying, I hate soy boy beta cucks. 820 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,000 Did you just apologize to him? 821 00:44:38,541 --> 00:44:40,458 Yeah, I mean, no, I mean... 822 00:44:40,541 --> 00:44:43,125 Okay, I think I'm just gonna go hang out with my friends. 823 00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:44,208 Wait. Uh… 824 00:44:47,416 --> 00:44:48,416 Montgomery? 825 00:44:50,583 --> 00:44:51,666 Huh? 826 00:44:52,375 --> 00:44:54,791 What's going on? Where am I? 827 00:44:55,916 --> 00:44:58,708 Wait. Oh, my God, am I? 828 00:44:59,583 --> 00:45:01,903 What the fuck is this fucking drug? 829 00:45:08,125 --> 00:45:11,083 - Are you okay? - I crave nectar. 830 00:45:11,958 --> 00:45:12,958 Sorry? 831 00:45:13,041 --> 00:45:18,500 I crave nectar. 832 00:45:19,208 --> 00:45:21,958 Jack, did you paint your fingernails with Sharpie? 833 00:45:22,041 --> 00:45:24,458 - Shut up. They look great. - What's wrong with you? 834 00:45:24,541 --> 00:45:25,583 Yo. 835 00:45:25,666 --> 00:45:27,583 - Lizzy? - Yeah? 836 00:45:29,250 --> 00:45:31,958 - I'm not talking to you. Lizzy. - What? 837 00:45:32,041 --> 00:45:33,041 Stop it. 838 00:45:33,750 --> 00:45:36,833 Dude, what are you doing down here with Freak-ass Face? 839 00:45:36,916 --> 00:45:40,166 Actually, I'm hanging out with him 840 00:45:40,250 --> 00:45:41,625 because he fucking rules. 841 00:45:41,708 --> 00:45:43,916 No, no, you don't think that. You think I blow. 842 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:45,250 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 843 00:45:45,333 --> 00:45:46,583 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 844 00:45:46,666 --> 00:45:49,333 No, I don't, and I really wouldn't call his face freak-ass. 845 00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:50,875 I would call it distinguished. 846 00:45:50,958 --> 00:45:52,392 And I don't know why people keep saying that. 847 00:45:52,416 --> 00:45:55,375 Yeah, you fucker, you do. You think people should spit in my face. 848 00:45:55,458 --> 00:45:56,666 Spit in my face. 849 00:45:57,583 --> 00:45:58,958 Thank you. 850 00:45:59,666 --> 00:46:03,416 Okay. Well, we're over by the bar. Come hang. 851 00:46:04,583 --> 00:46:06,041 What are you waiting for? Go hang. 852 00:46:06,125 --> 00:46:07,684 I'm not hanging out with those assholes. 853 00:46:07,708 --> 00:46:10,875 You go to them or I will rip your dick off. 854 00:46:10,958 --> 00:46:13,875 You touch my dick, I will piss your skort. 855 00:46:13,958 --> 00:46:16,125 Lizzy, Jell-O shots! 856 00:46:20,458 --> 00:46:22,208 - Okay, fine. - Yes. Thank you. 857 00:46:22,291 --> 00:46:23,750 But you owe me one. 858 00:46:23,833 --> 00:46:26,625 Fine, just make me look good, please, please. 859 00:46:26,708 --> 00:46:28,541 - Okay. - Yeah, appreciate it. 860 00:46:28,625 --> 00:46:31,166 - What's up, sluts? - God, Jack. 861 00:46:31,250 --> 00:46:34,958 Let's do some Jell-O shots! Line 'em up. 862 00:46:35,041 --> 00:46:36,916 Hey, dude, could you grab that ball? 863 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:40,125 Also, I am legally required to inform you I'm a registered sex offender. 864 00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:41,208 Huh? 865 00:46:41,291 --> 00:46:43,875 - Wait. It's you. - It's me? 866 00:46:43,958 --> 00:46:45,250 Oh, fuck, it's me. 867 00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:47,041 Oh, fuck. My purse! 868 00:46:52,916 --> 00:46:55,708 This can't be real. This can't be real. 869 00:46:55,791 --> 00:46:58,625 I can't see shit. This phase sucks. 870 00:47:01,625 --> 00:47:03,083 Whoa! Excuse me. 871 00:47:03,166 --> 00:47:04,416 I shall have nectar! 872 00:47:06,041 --> 00:47:08,226 I hope Lysander's being responsible with my body. 873 00:47:08,250 --> 00:47:09,666 Hey, man, do a bump. 874 00:47:12,208 --> 00:47:15,333 - Nectar! - Where are the stairs? 875 00:47:18,250 --> 00:47:22,666 Lizzy! Lizzy! Lizzy! 876 00:47:22,750 --> 00:47:24,791 Ow! 877 00:47:24,875 --> 00:47:26,875 No, no. Hey, no, what are you doing? 878 00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:30,625 - Oh, Logan, thank God. - You gotta hit him way harder than that. 879 00:47:30,708 --> 00:47:33,041 - Huh? - You gotta lean into it. Use your back. 880 00:47:33,125 --> 00:47:36,458 Yes, that's that shit I'm talking about, baby. 881 00:47:36,541 --> 00:47:38,750 Oh, come on, where are the... 882 00:47:38,833 --> 00:47:40,000 Stairs! 883 00:47:40,666 --> 00:47:44,208 How does Lysander do this all the time? 884 00:47:44,291 --> 00:47:45,791 I gotta take a break. 885 00:47:45,875 --> 00:47:49,583 - Eyes front. - Wait, that voice. Is that… 886 00:47:50,875 --> 00:47:54,000 Advisers, prepare yourselves. 887 00:47:54,083 --> 00:47:56,416 Just down that hall, 888 00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,583 there's a pajama party. 889 00:47:59,666 --> 00:48:00,875 Oh, no. 890 00:48:00,958 --> 00:48:05,291 And in it are the remaining students on our list. 891 00:48:06,041 --> 00:48:07,083 List? 892 00:48:07,166 --> 00:48:11,833 This list contains the name of every student in this dorm 893 00:48:11,916 --> 00:48:14,476 - that has made our lives a living hell. - All right, let me see… 894 00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:17,458 What? No, holy shit. 895 00:48:18,416 --> 00:48:21,101 Did you just also just hear the tiniest voice in the world say, "Holy shit"? 896 00:48:23,208 --> 00:48:24,750 We move quickly. 897 00:48:24,833 --> 00:48:29,791 We confiscate their phones, unlock them with our secret weapon, and then use them 898 00:48:29,875 --> 00:48:32,208 to submit a very specific housing request: 899 00:48:33,166 --> 00:48:37,208 To transfer them to the worst dorm at this school. 900 00:48:37,291 --> 00:48:40,041 - What? - I'm of course talking about… 901 00:48:41,458 --> 00:48:43,291 Gralk Hall. 902 00:48:45,125 --> 00:48:50,083 Located four hours away on a satellite campus forgotten by God. 903 00:48:52,291 --> 00:48:57,916 Lit by candle, plumbed by aqueduct, and heated by the bitter breath 904 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,333 of unheard prayers. 905 00:49:00,416 --> 00:49:04,208 Gralk is a cemetery for the living. 906 00:49:05,333 --> 00:49:07,375 It turns even the good kids 907 00:49:07,458 --> 00:49:11,208 into unforgiving feral beasts. 908 00:49:15,625 --> 00:49:21,208 ♪ Banished to Gralk The kids fade fast ♪ 909 00:49:21,291 --> 00:49:27,791 ♪ Each breath more distant Than the last ♪ 910 00:49:27,875 --> 00:49:34,458 ♪ Their lives are over, they never call ♪ 911 00:49:35,541 --> 00:49:42,541 ♪ Forgotten names inside Gralk Hall ♪ 912 00:49:45,291 --> 00:49:48,125 Sorry, I like totally blacked out. 913 00:49:48,208 --> 00:49:49,916 - Could you repeat that? - Go away! 914 00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:53,083 We don't like you, okay? Go anywhere else but here. 915 00:49:53,166 --> 00:49:54,416 For sure. 916 00:49:54,500 --> 00:49:57,000 The rest of you, let's move out. 917 00:49:58,416 --> 00:50:00,934 Oh, God. I gotta get back. I gotta warn 'em. 918 00:50:00,958 --> 00:50:02,833 Yeah, I ordered everything off the menu. 919 00:50:02,916 --> 00:50:04,958 Got the flank steak. Got the hanger steak. 920 00:50:05,041 --> 00:50:06,434 - Got the fillet mignon. - Nectar. 921 00:50:06,458 --> 00:50:08,416 Got the duck con fit. Got the gumbo. 922 00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:10,333 Got the milk shake, chocolate and vanilla. 923 00:50:10,416 --> 00:50:13,083 Hey, what the fuck, man? Who the fuck are you? 924 00:50:14,125 --> 00:50:15,916 I am Lysander Featherhelm, 925 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:19,458 third of his name, Lord of the Syracuse Meadows. 926 00:50:19,541 --> 00:50:24,791 I serve the one god Montgomery, and I shall have my nectar. 927 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,333 What the fuck? 928 00:50:35,916 --> 00:50:37,250 I'm not Jack. 929 00:50:37,333 --> 00:50:39,208 - Yes, yes! - Ow! 930 00:50:40,416 --> 00:50:44,083 Oh. Oh, shit, yo, I gotta bounce. The party bus is here. 931 00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:45,892 Wait. You need Lizzy. She's right over there. 932 00:50:45,916 --> 00:50:47,809 - She's right over there. - Lizzy. Lizzy. 933 00:50:47,833 --> 00:50:50,750 Shit. Yes, I guess we need her credit card. 934 00:50:50,833 --> 00:50:52,666 Whatever. 935 00:50:52,750 --> 00:50:55,416 - She'll meet us there. - Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy. 936 00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:56,583 Lizzy. 937 00:50:56,666 --> 00:50:59,541 Yes! I rule the… 938 00:50:59,625 --> 00:51:02,666 School! Oh, fuck! 939 00:51:02,750 --> 00:51:04,416 Lizzy, Lizzy. 940 00:51:07,750 --> 00:51:11,250 Come on, Montgomery. Fly. Fly! 941 00:51:11,333 --> 00:51:13,791 Oh, my God. Montgomery, are you okay? 942 00:51:13,875 --> 00:51:16,625 Yeah… Wait, what did I do? 943 00:51:21,291 --> 00:51:22,500 Ew. 944 00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:25,583 Disgusting. 945 00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:28,541 Okay. Wow. I mean, that was kind of incredible. 946 00:51:28,625 --> 00:51:30,041 Yeah. Wait, what was? 947 00:51:30,125 --> 00:51:32,000 You dominated that guy. 948 00:51:32,083 --> 00:51:34,416 I don't know. I'm sorry, actually, I gotta go. 949 00:51:34,500 --> 00:51:37,261 But nice seeing you. Hang later. Bye. Okay, well, I'll see you later. 950 00:51:39,875 --> 00:51:44,541 So, thanks for making me look good. 951 00:51:44,625 --> 00:51:46,250 - I owe you one. - You owe me two. 952 00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:47,333 One. 953 00:51:47,416 --> 00:51:49,166 - One and a half? - Zero. 954 00:51:49,250 --> 00:51:50,250 One. 955 00:51:50,333 --> 00:51:51,500 - Deal. - Oh! 956 00:51:51,583 --> 00:51:53,416 Oh, my God. They're outside. 957 00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:55,333 - Who? - They're kicking kids to Gralk Hall. 958 00:51:55,416 --> 00:51:56,856 - Who is? - We gotta get out of here. 959 00:51:56,916 --> 00:51:59,291 - What are you talking about, man? - Am I on cocaine? 960 00:52:00,625 --> 00:52:01,625 Hide. 961 00:52:02,333 --> 00:52:03,958 RAs! 962 00:52:04,041 --> 00:52:07,250 Room check! 963 00:52:15,208 --> 00:52:16,642 I can't believe that fucking worked! 964 00:52:16,666 --> 00:52:18,250 Is someone there? No, please. 965 00:52:18,333 --> 00:52:22,041 I'm stuck in here! You gotta help me! I'm gonna go fucking crazy! 966 00:52:23,416 --> 00:52:25,333 - Oh, sugar! - In here. 967 00:52:25,416 --> 00:52:28,000 - Go, go, go, go. - Shut it. Shut it. Shut it. 968 00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:30,708 Monty, what the hell is going on? 969 00:52:30,791 --> 00:52:32,458 The RAs are taking people's phones 970 00:52:32,541 --> 00:52:35,416 and using them to request room transfers to Gralk Hall. 971 00:52:35,500 --> 00:52:38,000 - And our names are on the list. - Fuck. 972 00:52:38,083 --> 00:52:41,583 If we get sent to Gralk Hall, it won't even matter if we stop this drug. 973 00:52:41,666 --> 00:52:43,833 I mean, what life will we even have left to live? 974 00:52:43,916 --> 00:52:46,208 I know! Ashley will never date me. 975 00:52:46,291 --> 00:52:49,666 I'll probably get scurvy, and they don't have any single rooms. 976 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:53,208 What about me? If I get sent to Gralk, then Logan will probably never talk to me. 977 00:52:53,291 --> 00:52:55,041 Oh, this again. At least you'll survive. 978 00:52:55,125 --> 00:52:57,583 These kids are gonna rip me apart like a pack of wild dogs. 979 00:52:57,666 --> 00:53:00,375 Let's just focus up. The RAs need our phones, right? 980 00:53:00,458 --> 00:53:02,875 So we just need to get the pizza and get out of the dorms, 981 00:53:02,958 --> 00:53:05,791 and then we won't get chainsawed or Gralk'ed. 982 00:53:06,500 --> 00:53:09,541 Okay. And in the meantime, we'll just hide here in the… 983 00:53:10,916 --> 00:53:12,291 Oh, no. 984 00:53:12,375 --> 00:53:14,767 Just grabbing something from the meeting room. I'll be right there. 985 00:53:14,791 --> 00:53:16,291 - Cremble sauce! - Language. 986 00:53:16,375 --> 00:53:17,500 How do we get out of here? 987 00:53:18,541 --> 00:53:19,958 Vent. We go through the vent. 988 00:53:20,041 --> 00:53:21,726 - You wanna crawl through the vent? - Are you insane? 989 00:53:21,750 --> 00:53:24,226 What are you talking about? We need to think of something realistic. 990 00:53:24,250 --> 00:53:27,875 Don't have too much fun without me. 991 00:53:31,416 --> 00:53:35,541 You are blowing it. Pull yourself together, Sidney. 992 00:53:37,916 --> 00:53:38,916 Hi. 993 00:53:39,958 --> 00:53:41,291 Oh, my God, I'm sorry. 994 00:53:41,375 --> 00:53:43,458 I didn't realize there were other people in here. 995 00:53:43,541 --> 00:53:46,583 Uh, I'm Sidney. I'm new here, still meeting all the RAs. 996 00:53:46,666 --> 00:53:47,976 - Hi. - How's it going? 997 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,601 - Good tidings. - Well, we really... We gotta get going, so… 998 00:53:50,625 --> 00:53:51,625 Oh, actually… 999 00:53:51,708 --> 00:53:55,000 Do you mind if I ask you some questions? I'm having kind of a hard time fitting in. 1000 00:53:55,083 --> 00:53:57,875 We really, really gotta go though. 1001 00:53:59,458 --> 00:54:02,250 Yeah, it's… Obviously, things are, like, crazy right now. 1002 00:54:02,333 --> 00:54:04,625 You guys probably have official RA duties to do, right? 1003 00:54:05,666 --> 00:54:06,750 No. 1004 00:54:08,083 --> 00:54:11,291 - I mean, no. What? - Hmm? 1005 00:54:11,375 --> 00:54:14,916 Sorry about him. What he means to say is no. 1006 00:54:15,750 --> 00:54:17,208 No, no. 1007 00:54:17,291 --> 00:54:18,750 Look, the truth is, 1008 00:54:20,208 --> 00:54:22,166 no, we don't have any RA duties. 1009 00:54:23,333 --> 00:54:26,291 Great, so we can talk. Let's grab a seat. 1010 00:54:32,666 --> 00:54:34,375 So I just started 1011 00:54:34,458 --> 00:54:36,541 and I feel like everyone's mad at me, 1012 00:54:36,625 --> 00:54:40,208 you know, but I don't know why, because I'm trying really hard and being nice, 1013 00:54:40,291 --> 00:54:43,458 and I guess I'm just looking for ways to connect with the other RAs. 1014 00:54:43,541 --> 00:54:46,708 Um, like, you know, what do you guys do in your free time? 1015 00:54:46,791 --> 00:54:50,375 Oh, not much. Sometimes I Google, "Is my penis foreskin too long?" 1016 00:54:52,458 --> 00:54:53,791 Hmm. 1017 00:54:54,833 --> 00:54:58,416 Yeah, well, I guess I meant more like communal activities. 1018 00:54:58,500 --> 00:55:00,708 Like, do you guys go to the gym together or exercise? 1019 00:55:00,791 --> 00:55:03,111 I only go to the gym to sneak peeks at other guys' foreskin 1020 00:55:03,166 --> 00:55:05,875 to see if mine is way longer than normal. 1021 00:55:05,958 --> 00:55:08,708 - What the fuck? - Totally. 1022 00:55:08,791 --> 00:55:11,250 Um, I'm just gonna pivot away from the moment you're having 1023 00:55:11,333 --> 00:55:12,916 and I'll pop it over to you. 1024 00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:14,833 - Pass. - No, can't pass. 1025 00:55:14,916 --> 00:55:16,726 Just trying to see if we're into the same things. 1026 00:55:16,750 --> 00:55:18,250 Like, what did you do last Saturday? 1027 00:55:18,833 --> 00:55:20,875 Oh, nothing really. I had breakfast, 1028 00:55:20,958 --> 00:55:22,791 and then I got banned from OldBuffDaddies.com 1029 00:55:22,875 --> 00:55:24,458 for violating their terms of service. 1030 00:55:25,875 --> 00:55:30,041 I don't want to ask, but I need to know. What'd you do? 1031 00:55:30,125 --> 00:55:33,625 I tried to pay a prostitute to impersonate my father and pay me compliments. 1032 00:55:35,666 --> 00:55:38,101 Okay, I feel like I need to change how I'm asking the questions. 1033 00:55:38,125 --> 00:55:40,476 I'm not talking about weird stuff you've done on the Internet. 1034 00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:42,458 More like, what's something you've done today? 1035 00:55:42,541 --> 00:55:44,934 I purchased a pill that's reported to shrink foreskins by 35%. 1036 00:55:44,958 --> 00:55:46,226 - I'm done talking to you. - Thank God. 1037 00:55:46,250 --> 00:55:47,666 - Maybe I'm talking to you. - Pass. 1038 00:55:47,750 --> 00:55:49,310 - There's no passing. - But I'm a woman. 1039 00:55:49,375 --> 00:55:51,142 - That won't work on me. - There should be passing. 1040 00:55:51,166 --> 00:55:52,958 - I didn't pass. - I'm not talking to you. 1041 00:55:53,041 --> 00:55:55,458 - Please don't. - All right, you, blonde girl. 1042 00:55:55,541 --> 00:55:56,666 What have you done today? 1043 00:55:56,750 --> 00:55:58,416 I got my nails done. 1044 00:55:59,333 --> 00:56:01,916 Okay, that's what I'm talking about. 1045 00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,666 Let's keep it in that gear, huh? What else? 1046 00:56:04,750 --> 00:56:06,190 I went number two in Logan's toilet, 1047 00:56:06,250 --> 00:56:07,976 but it clogged and I didn't want him to see my poop, 1048 00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:10,160 so I put it in a bag, and that bag's still in my purse. 1049 00:56:15,041 --> 00:56:16,541 Okay. 1050 00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,291 - Are you okay? - No. 1051 00:56:19,375 --> 00:56:24,125 Okay. I gotta ask. Why are y'all doing this stuff? 1052 00:56:24,208 --> 00:56:25,726 Because I'm seeking external validation 1053 00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:28,041 to alleviate my deep-seated fear of being alone. 1054 00:56:30,083 --> 00:56:34,291 Oh, my gosh. I think I'm starting to understand something. 1055 00:56:36,500 --> 00:56:38,541 You guys are friends because you reveal 1056 00:56:38,625 --> 00:56:41,750 your ugliest, darkest truths to one another. 1057 00:56:41,833 --> 00:56:45,708 And you don't judge each other for it. That's what friendship is, huh? 1058 00:56:47,375 --> 00:56:48,916 So I'll join you. 1059 00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:52,583 I'm just gonna tell you guys something I've never told anyone before. 1060 00:56:52,666 --> 00:56:54,000 - You don't have to. - I'm gonna. 1061 00:56:54,083 --> 00:56:56,583 - Okay. - My name is Sidney Putt. 1062 00:56:56,666 --> 00:56:58,875 I am 31 years young. 1063 00:56:58,958 --> 00:57:00,750 I like to dress up as the Grinch in a diaper 1064 00:57:00,833 --> 00:57:03,875 while sucking down a bunch of helium, so I sound like a baby. 1065 00:57:09,125 --> 00:57:10,708 That feels incredible to share. 1066 00:57:10,791 --> 00:57:12,991 Thank you all for creating the space for me to say that. 1067 00:57:14,791 --> 00:57:17,458 Great. Well, we've really got to get going. 1068 00:57:17,541 --> 00:57:21,875 Absolutely, yeah, I'll see you guys at the next RA meeting. 1069 00:57:21,958 --> 00:57:25,500 No, you won't because we're not RAs. We're students on the Gralk Hall list. 1070 00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:27,333 Huh? 1071 00:57:27,416 --> 00:57:30,625 - Blake! Blake! No. Blake! - Run! 1072 00:57:30,708 --> 00:57:33,041 - Help! Let me go! - Help! No, stop it. 1073 00:57:33,125 --> 00:57:36,416 - Let her go. - It's your first day. What do you care? 1074 00:57:36,500 --> 00:57:38,184 - Blake! - Let her go or I'll throw it at you. 1075 00:57:38,208 --> 00:57:40,416 - Okay, okay. - I'll do it. Don't test me. 1076 00:57:40,500 --> 00:57:43,666 - Okay. Take it easy. - I'm on the freaking edge. 1077 00:57:43,750 --> 00:57:45,208 - I'll do it. - No, you won't. 1078 00:57:48,333 --> 00:57:51,041 - Yay! Hey, we're here. We're here. - Snackatron! 1079 00:57:51,125 --> 00:57:54,875 - Hello, Montgomery. - The robot! The robot! 1080 00:57:54,958 --> 00:57:56,726 Before you receive your food from… 1081 00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:58,767 I'm not doing it again. Get out of here. 1082 00:57:58,791 --> 00:58:00,875 …you must agree to the following terms. 1083 00:58:00,958 --> 00:58:02,434 Item one: 1084 00:58:02,458 --> 00:58:07,416 You agree not to sue Snackatron LLC for any harm caused by Snackatron 3000… 1085 00:58:07,500 --> 00:58:09,583 - Hey, hi, Logan. - Lizzy! What the fuck? 1086 00:58:09,666 --> 00:58:12,125 You have to pay the driver, or he won't let me honk the horn! 1087 00:58:12,208 --> 00:58:16,208 Oh, uh… Sorry, yeah, I just… I have to eat some pizza real quick. 1088 00:58:16,291 --> 00:58:19,041 We've got pizza on the bus. Just get here. 1089 00:58:19,125 --> 00:58:22,750 You agree not to fall in love or lust with Snackatron. 1090 00:58:22,833 --> 00:58:27,125 Hey. So they've got pizza on the bus. 1091 00:58:27,208 --> 00:58:29,208 - Mmm. Mm-hmm. - So I'm gonna head there, 1092 00:58:29,291 --> 00:58:34,000 but, um, please don't tell anyone about my purse. 1093 00:58:34,083 --> 00:58:36,666 - Oh, it's just shit. - I've actually done the exact same thing. 1094 00:58:37,333 --> 00:58:39,392 You may not teach Snackatron to be racist. 1095 00:58:39,416 --> 00:58:43,083 - Thanks, guys. I'll see you. - And you may never, ever ride Snackatron. 1096 00:58:43,166 --> 00:58:44,875 - Do you agree to these terms? - Yes. 1097 00:58:44,958 --> 00:58:46,583 Please click agree. 1098 00:58:46,666 --> 00:58:48,625 - Yes! - Fuck yeah! 1099 00:58:48,708 --> 00:58:50,666 Are you satisfied with your order? 1100 00:58:50,750 --> 00:58:52,809 God, let's eat this quick and get the fuck out of here 1101 00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:54,791 before we get sent to Gralk Hall. 1102 00:58:54,875 --> 00:58:57,125 Wait, what were you saying before about single rooms? 1103 00:58:57,208 --> 00:58:59,541 Oh, nothing, just that I'm requesting a room transfer 1104 00:58:59,625 --> 00:59:01,425 because I don't want to live with you anymore. 1105 00:59:04,875 --> 00:59:05,875 What? 1106 00:59:05,958 --> 00:59:10,250 Hello, boys. We've been looking for you. 1107 00:59:10,958 --> 00:59:14,000 You made quite the mess in my room. 1108 00:59:14,083 --> 00:59:16,291 So, are you satisfied with your order? 1109 00:59:16,375 --> 00:59:18,166 Collect their phones. 1110 00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:23,583 And take them to the wellness lounge. 1111 00:59:28,083 --> 00:59:30,625 Montgomery, are you satisfied with your order? 1112 00:59:30,708 --> 00:59:32,458 Are you satisfied with your order? 1113 00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:50,166 Wait! Wait, okay? Hey, let go of me! We have rights, damn it! 1114 00:59:50,250 --> 00:59:52,875 No, no, no, no, no, no! 1115 00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:57,166 Wait. You don't understand. Wait! At least give us our pizza. 1116 00:59:57,958 --> 01:00:00,625 At least give us our pizza. We need to eat pizza. 1117 01:00:01,708 --> 01:00:02,708 Do you have any pizza? 1118 01:00:03,583 --> 01:00:06,208 Do you have any pizza? 1119 01:00:06,291 --> 01:00:08,000 Fuck, Jack. What do we do? 1120 01:00:09,791 --> 01:00:11,625 You're requesting a room transfer? 1121 01:00:11,708 --> 01:00:13,750 No. Oh, good, we can lie again. 1122 01:00:13,833 --> 01:00:15,833 - Shit. - So you're fucking ditching me. 1123 01:00:15,916 --> 01:00:18,333 - I'm not ditching you. - Well, kind of looks like it. 1124 01:00:18,416 --> 01:00:20,625 - What the fuck else would you call it? - It's not... 1125 01:00:20,708 --> 01:00:21,892 Oh, don't start. You know what? 1126 01:00:21,916 --> 01:00:23,583 You are just like everybody else, 1127 01:00:23,666 --> 01:00:25,083 - but it's okay. It's fine. - Jack. 1128 01:00:25,166 --> 01:00:27,809 Yeah, I get it because being around me is just, what, social suicide? 1129 01:00:27,833 --> 01:00:29,809 - It's okay. Leave me behind. - That's not what I... 1130 01:00:29,833 --> 01:00:33,458 I might as well just move here into the wellness lounge with my people. 1131 01:00:33,541 --> 01:00:36,083 - Jack. Jack! - The scum, the forgotten folk. 1132 01:00:36,166 --> 01:00:37,375 - But it's fine. - I want... 1133 01:00:37,458 --> 01:00:39,684 - It's a five-star fucking establishment. - I want some time... 1134 01:00:39,708 --> 01:00:41,958 And you and your butterfly can just forget that I exist. 1135 01:00:42,041 --> 01:00:43,958 - After everything I've done for you… - I'm not 1136 01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,166 you ungrateful asshole. 1137 01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:49,125 Oh, my God, would you stop being such a fucking victim? 1138 01:00:50,833 --> 01:00:53,625 I wanted to switch rooms because I need a fucking break. 1139 01:00:54,791 --> 01:00:58,666 I'm sorry, Jack, but living with you, it's like the Jack show all the time. 1140 01:00:58,750 --> 01:01:01,458 You do whatever you want to do without thinking about anyone else. 1141 01:01:01,541 --> 01:01:03,809 Okay, well, when the fuck were you planning on telling me this? 1142 01:01:03,833 --> 01:01:06,166 - I'm not a mind reader. - You don't listen. 1143 01:01:06,250 --> 01:01:09,083 You ignore me and then pressure me to do shit that I don't wanna do. 1144 01:01:09,166 --> 01:01:11,916 Name one thing I pressured you to do. 1145 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:15,500 Drugs! I didn't want to do drugs tonight. 1146 01:01:15,583 --> 01:01:18,041 I don't even like drinking caffeinated tea. 1147 01:01:18,125 --> 01:01:19,250 But boo-hoo, 1148 01:01:19,333 --> 01:01:22,333 everybody hates Jack, so we gotta do what you wanna do 1149 01:01:22,416 --> 01:01:25,125 because apparently I don't count. 1150 01:01:26,375 --> 01:01:28,208 And now we're locked up in here. 1151 01:01:28,291 --> 01:01:30,250 We're gonna get chainsawed up the ass. 1152 01:01:30,333 --> 01:01:32,833 The RAs are sending us to Gralk Hall and... 1153 01:01:35,333 --> 01:01:37,458 What the… What the fuck? 1154 01:01:37,541 --> 01:01:39,708 What the hell is going on? 1155 01:01:40,708 --> 01:01:43,188 And I have no idea what that was, but I know it was your fault. 1156 01:01:43,250 --> 01:01:46,708 Oh, please, if it wasn't for me, you'd never leave your room. 1157 01:01:46,791 --> 01:01:51,291 You would sit there, buried under your fucking covers, afraid to breathe, 1158 01:01:51,375 --> 01:01:56,750 because you are the most pathetic, biggest pussy I have ever met. 1159 01:01:58,541 --> 01:02:03,208 Gee, Jack, I really don't see why everybody hates your fucking guts. 1160 01:02:03,291 --> 01:02:04,875 - Fuck you. - Fuck you. 1161 01:02:15,208 --> 01:02:17,666 Him. Take him to the old study hall. 1162 01:02:19,583 --> 01:02:23,083 So remember when I said I wasn't gonna fart on their faces and… 1163 01:02:23,166 --> 01:02:24,601 Oh, shit, she's here. 1164 01:02:24,625 --> 01:02:28,000 Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy! 1165 01:02:28,083 --> 01:02:30,916 Sorry, where's that pizza? 1166 01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,000 Oh, shit, the pizza. 1167 01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:35,184 I just… I lied to you because you were taking forever. 1168 01:02:35,208 --> 01:02:37,458 Also, why do you smell vaguely of poop? 1169 01:02:38,083 --> 01:02:40,666 - I'll be right back. - Wait, you need to pay the driver! 1170 01:02:41,250 --> 01:02:42,976 Are you satisfied with your order? 1171 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,517 Are you satisfied with your order? Are you satisfied with your order? 1172 01:02:45,541 --> 01:02:47,041 Are you satisfied with your order? 1173 01:02:47,125 --> 01:02:49,666 - Are you satisfied with your order? - Snackatron, 1174 01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:51,625 did you see where those two guys went? 1175 01:02:51,708 --> 01:02:54,583 Take them to the wellness lounge. 1176 01:02:55,500 --> 01:02:58,041 Cremble sauce! 1177 01:02:58,125 --> 01:03:03,375 I must know if Montgomery was satisfied with his order. 1178 01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:13,375 Hello, Jack. 1179 01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:15,916 Welcome. 1180 01:03:17,125 --> 01:03:18,583 Do you like the old study hall? 1181 01:03:20,916 --> 01:03:24,875 This room was built as a sanctuary 1182 01:03:24,958 --> 01:03:30,833 for hardworking students to research their theses and prepare for exams. 1183 01:03:32,458 --> 01:03:33,625 But now… 1184 01:03:35,458 --> 01:03:37,500 It's nothing but rubble. 1185 01:03:38,541 --> 01:03:39,541 What? 1186 01:03:42,458 --> 01:03:43,916 It's nothing but rubble. 1187 01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,000 Thank you. 1188 01:03:45,875 --> 01:03:47,083 The RAs recruited me young. 1189 01:03:48,583 --> 01:03:50,333 They promised me the world. 1190 01:03:51,791 --> 01:03:55,208 All I had to do was keep an eye on things after dark. 1191 01:03:56,583 --> 01:03:57,708 What they didn't mention 1192 01:03:59,666 --> 01:04:02,833 is that the dark never ends. 1193 01:04:04,125 --> 01:04:07,250 Try as I might, I couldn't calm the chaos. 1194 01:04:08,625 --> 01:04:11,000 This study hall was destroyed 1195 01:04:11,083 --> 01:04:14,875 when a drunken sophomore shot a Roman candle out of his ass 1196 01:04:14,958 --> 01:04:16,625 into a bucket of rum. 1197 01:04:17,541 --> 01:04:20,750 You see? There are no scholars here. 1198 01:04:21,625 --> 01:04:24,958 Only demons with student IDs. 1199 01:04:27,583 --> 01:04:30,291 And they must be purged. 1200 01:04:32,125 --> 01:04:35,583 All we need now is to unlock their phones. 1201 01:04:35,666 --> 01:04:38,750 And you, Jack, are the key. 1202 01:04:43,125 --> 01:04:48,208 Early Internet message boards predicted the coming of the chosen face. 1203 01:04:49,458 --> 01:04:53,583 One so distinct, so peculiar. 1204 01:04:54,750 --> 01:04:59,166 - So utterly freak-ass… - Come on. 1205 01:04:59,250 --> 01:05:04,125 …It would profoundly beguile every phone's face ID. 1206 01:05:06,208 --> 01:05:07,375 A skeleton key. 1207 01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:12,041 For nearly all of fall semester, we have searched for this face. 1208 01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:15,291 And now we've found it. 1209 01:05:24,166 --> 01:05:26,000 One face to unlock them all. 1210 01:05:27,083 --> 01:05:28,833 Montgomery. 1211 01:05:29,750 --> 01:05:30,958 Montgomery. 1212 01:05:31,041 --> 01:05:32,041 Montgomery. 1213 01:05:33,583 --> 01:05:35,125 Where is the pizza? 1214 01:05:35,208 --> 01:05:36,333 The RAs took it. 1215 01:05:37,208 --> 01:05:39,416 Okay, well, come on. W-We gotta go get it. 1216 01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:42,458 No, I'm done. I'm staying here. 1217 01:05:43,125 --> 01:05:44,416 With the forgotten folk. 1218 01:05:45,291 --> 01:05:46,371 What are you talking about? 1219 01:05:47,125 --> 01:05:49,166 Wait, how did you get in here? 1220 01:05:49,958 --> 01:05:52,101 The door only locks from the inside. 1221 01:05:59,041 --> 01:06:00,521 Now how are we gonna get out of here? 1222 01:06:11,083 --> 01:06:13,541 Come on, come on. 1223 01:06:13,625 --> 01:06:16,583 You can do it. Prove them wrong, Snackatron. 1224 01:06:16,666 --> 01:06:18,375 Prove them all wrong! 1225 01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:21,750 Yippee! 1226 01:06:21,833 --> 01:06:25,125 Only 182 left to go. 1227 01:06:26,333 --> 01:06:28,458 I can't believe we're crawling through a fucking vent. 1228 01:06:28,541 --> 01:06:30,583 Keep going. It's gotta dump out somewhere. 1229 01:06:30,666 --> 01:06:32,708 I just wanted a quiet night in. 1230 01:06:33,583 --> 01:06:35,333 I keep getting friction burns. 1231 01:06:38,666 --> 01:06:40,583 Hey, why did you stop? 1232 01:06:41,958 --> 01:06:42,958 Lysander? 1233 01:06:45,083 --> 01:06:48,875 Lysander? Hey, hey, buddy, you okay? 1234 01:06:52,666 --> 01:06:53,666 Lysander. 1235 01:06:55,458 --> 01:06:56,458 Hey. 1236 01:07:01,666 --> 01:07:04,333 He's… dead. 1237 01:07:05,250 --> 01:07:08,083 I can't. What the fuck? 1238 01:07:08,166 --> 01:07:09,806 - Montgomery? - Oh, what the hell? 1239 01:07:09,833 --> 01:07:12,416 - Hey, Montgomery. Montgomery. - Oh, shit, I lost my butterfly. 1240 01:07:12,500 --> 01:07:13,500 I lost my best friend. 1241 01:07:13,583 --> 01:07:16,101 You have to keep it together. We have to get the pizza from the RAs. 1242 01:07:16,125 --> 01:07:18,958 No, I can't. There's too many of them. 1243 01:07:19,041 --> 01:07:21,666 Jack was right. I'm not an alpha. 1244 01:07:21,750 --> 01:07:23,291 I'm a fucking pussy. 1245 01:07:23,375 --> 01:07:26,625 - Montgomery, calm down. Hey, look at me. - I'm having a panic attack. 1246 01:07:26,708 --> 01:07:27,958 - Look at me. - No. 1247 01:07:28,041 --> 01:07:29,250 - Look at me. - No. 1248 01:07:29,333 --> 01:07:32,416 - Montgomery. Hey! - Just let me die! 1249 01:07:50,750 --> 01:07:53,750 Listen, you are not an alpha. 1250 01:07:54,791 --> 01:07:57,166 But you're also not a pussy. 1251 01:07:59,041 --> 01:08:02,041 You stood by your best friend when nobody else did. 1252 01:08:02,125 --> 01:08:03,416 That is brave. 1253 01:08:04,291 --> 01:08:05,291 I couldn't do that. 1254 01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,125 I, uh… 1255 01:08:10,041 --> 01:08:11,041 I didn't do that. 1256 01:08:13,625 --> 01:08:14,916 I ditched you guys. 1257 01:08:19,833 --> 01:08:22,291 I guess I thought that if I was friends with you, 1258 01:08:23,750 --> 01:08:25,666 then people wouldn't like me. 1259 01:08:27,791 --> 01:08:32,791 But turns out people don't like me very much anyway. 1260 01:08:33,541 --> 01:08:34,541 What? 1261 01:08:35,125 --> 01:08:36,291 Who doesn't like you? 1262 01:08:37,500 --> 01:08:40,541 You're, like, the coolest person I've ever met. 1263 01:08:41,416 --> 01:08:44,125 You're smart. You're good at board games. 1264 01:08:44,875 --> 01:08:46,208 You do magic. 1265 01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:50,458 I mean, you're Lizzy the Magnificent. 1266 01:09:00,583 --> 01:09:02,625 Sorry we didn't get to finish the game. 1267 01:09:05,583 --> 01:09:06,666 Yeah. 1268 01:09:07,291 --> 01:09:08,691 That would've been nice to finally… 1269 01:09:08,750 --> 01:09:10,791 The game! That's it. 1270 01:09:10,875 --> 01:09:12,750 Remember last campaign how we created 1271 01:09:12,833 --> 01:09:15,000 that musical distraction with the merry minstrels? 1272 01:09:16,625 --> 01:09:18,708 Yeah, but what does that have to do with… 1273 01:09:18,791 --> 01:09:20,708 Let's go storm the Fortress of Thalamir. 1274 01:09:25,833 --> 01:09:27,017 Wait. 1275 01:09:27,041 --> 01:09:29,208 Sorry, I have no idea what we're doing. 1276 01:09:29,291 --> 01:09:31,041 Oh, right, I have to be more specific. 1277 01:09:31,125 --> 01:09:33,333 The RAs took Jack and the pizza to the old study hall, 1278 01:09:33,416 --> 01:09:34,875 and I have a plan to distract them. 1279 01:09:35,958 --> 01:09:37,078 Okay. 1280 01:09:47,500 --> 01:09:49,708 I am doing it. 1281 01:10:00,083 --> 01:10:01,083 There we go. 1282 01:10:04,791 --> 01:10:06,375 Still looking for a gig? 1283 01:10:06,458 --> 01:10:09,333 Sorry, I need more information. 1284 01:10:09,416 --> 01:10:11,333 Oh, right, sorry, I have to be more specific. 1285 01:10:11,416 --> 01:10:12,458 The RAs took Jack... 1286 01:10:16,833 --> 01:10:17,875 That's the last phone. 1287 01:10:18,666 --> 01:10:19,916 We're all set here, sir. 1288 01:10:21,875 --> 01:10:22,875 Listen up. 1289 01:10:24,458 --> 01:10:29,666 Tonight is a momentous occasion. 1290 01:10:29,750 --> 01:10:36,541 The phones are all unlocked, synchronized, and wired to the control panel. 1291 01:10:36,625 --> 01:10:39,958 Soon the transfer requests will be sent. 1292 01:10:40,041 --> 01:10:42,541 Our watch will finally be ended. 1293 01:10:42,625 --> 01:10:45,833 And a bright new day shall… 1294 01:10:45,916 --> 01:10:47,375 Sorry, what is that music? 1295 01:10:50,166 --> 01:10:51,416 We are Flesh Grenade. 1296 01:10:51,500 --> 01:10:54,208 Get ready for some fucking folk music! 1297 01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:03,666 What in the absolute fuck? 1298 01:11:06,875 --> 01:11:09,333 - What are you guys doing? - Shh. We're rescuing you. 1299 01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:12,958 - Hi. - Hi. 1300 01:11:14,041 --> 01:11:15,458 You look good. 1301 01:11:16,166 --> 01:11:17,166 Thank you, I know. 1302 01:11:17,750 --> 01:11:18,791 How have you been? 1303 01:11:19,416 --> 01:11:21,250 Fine, like you care. 1304 01:11:22,291 --> 01:11:24,226 If you're gonna talk like that, maybe I won't untie you. 1305 01:11:24,250 --> 01:11:26,267 - Maybe I don't want to be untied. - Maybe I'll add more rope. 1306 01:11:26,291 --> 01:11:27,291 Shut the fuck up. 1307 01:11:27,375 --> 01:11:28,809 - What the fuck? Give that back. - Show's over. 1308 01:11:28,833 --> 01:11:30,601 - Give it back. - Get the fuck out. Let's go. 1309 01:11:30,625 --> 01:11:32,476 - No. - Everyone get out. Take it outside. 1310 01:11:32,500 --> 01:11:33,583 We only have a few moments, 1311 01:11:33,666 --> 01:11:36,666 so you guys are gonna go get the phones, I'm gonna go get the pizza, 1312 01:11:36,750 --> 01:11:38,559 and then we're gonna reconvene at the stairwell 1313 01:11:38,583 --> 01:11:40,208 and then sneak out quietly. 1314 01:11:40,291 --> 01:11:41,291 - Got it? - Got it. 1315 01:11:41,375 --> 01:11:43,166 - Great. - Fuck you. 1316 01:11:43,250 --> 01:11:44,583 Let's move. 1317 01:11:45,208 --> 01:11:46,750 Montgomery! 1318 01:11:46,833 --> 01:11:49,125 - Fuck! - Are you satisfied with your order? 1319 01:11:51,708 --> 01:11:53,708 Look who's joined the party. 1320 01:11:53,791 --> 01:11:55,791 The last names on my list. 1321 01:11:55,875 --> 01:11:57,458 - Montgomery. - Hi. 1322 01:11:57,541 --> 01:11:58,750 Lizzy. 1323 01:11:58,833 --> 01:12:02,250 Can I just ask, why am I being sent to Gralk Hall? 1324 01:12:02,333 --> 01:12:04,375 I'm a really well-behaved kid. 1325 01:12:04,458 --> 01:12:06,416 I mean, I'm polite. I'm nice. 1326 01:12:06,500 --> 01:12:08,500 I'm responsible with my body in the dorms. 1327 01:12:08,583 --> 01:12:10,375 I tell you guys my favorite puns. 1328 01:12:10,458 --> 01:12:11,851 You're weird and we don't like you. 1329 01:12:11,875 --> 01:12:12,958 Copy that. 1330 01:12:13,041 --> 01:12:14,101 Fine, you caught us. 1331 01:12:14,125 --> 01:12:16,291 Can we at least just have the pizza? 1332 01:12:16,375 --> 01:12:17,500 Pizza? 1333 01:12:18,083 --> 01:12:21,666 Oh, this pizza. Yeah, it feels like it's missing a topping. 1334 01:12:21,750 --> 01:12:22,750 Maybe, uh… 1335 01:12:24,958 --> 01:12:25,958 Toxic waste. 1336 01:12:26,791 --> 01:12:30,416 - What? No! - No! 1337 01:12:33,333 --> 01:12:38,791 Montgomery must be satisfied with his order! 1338 01:12:39,625 --> 01:12:40,750 - Yes! - Yes! 1339 01:12:40,833 --> 01:12:42,208 Oh, no! 1340 01:12:44,583 --> 01:12:46,458 Goddamn it, Snackatron. 1341 01:12:49,083 --> 01:12:50,125 Ah. 1342 01:12:50,708 --> 01:12:53,375 Well, time to die. 1343 01:12:54,458 --> 01:12:55,767 What? Are you gonna fucking kill us? 1344 01:12:55,791 --> 01:12:56,791 We're not… 1345 01:12:56,875 --> 01:12:58,125 No, we're not gonna kill you. 1346 01:12:58,208 --> 01:13:00,000 We're gonna like beat you guys up a bunch. 1347 01:13:00,083 --> 01:13:02,184 But how does that sound? "Time to beat you guys up a bunch"? 1348 01:13:02,208 --> 01:13:03,666 It scans weird. 1349 01:13:03,750 --> 01:13:05,583 I… Whatever. Just hurt them. 1350 01:13:12,875 --> 01:13:14,083 What's happening? 1351 01:13:14,166 --> 01:13:17,250 Oh, shit. It's the next phase. 1352 01:13:17,333 --> 01:13:18,833 Which one is this? 1353 01:13:19,375 --> 01:13:21,250 We are all one! 1354 01:13:35,250 --> 01:13:37,750 - What the hell? - Is everyone okay? 1355 01:13:37,833 --> 01:13:39,500 What just happened? 1356 01:13:39,583 --> 01:13:40,791 Where are we? 1357 01:13:40,875 --> 01:13:44,541 I think we're all inside some guy. 1358 01:13:44,625 --> 01:13:47,541 Oh, my God. I know what this is. 1359 01:13:47,625 --> 01:13:50,000 We're not "one." We're… 1360 01:13:50,833 --> 01:13:51,916 Hola. 1361 01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:53,250 My name is Juan. 1362 01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:04,083 What the fuck is this fucking drug? Goddamn it. 1363 01:14:04,166 --> 01:14:05,916 Who's controlling the legs? 1364 01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:07,291 - Me! - Who's me? 1365 01:14:07,375 --> 01:14:09,166 Jack! This is impossible. 1366 01:14:09,250 --> 01:14:10,309 - What's happening? - Shut up. 1367 01:14:10,333 --> 01:14:11,750 We need to move as one. 1368 01:14:11,833 --> 01:14:12,916 Did you say, "Juan"? 1369 01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:16,208 I said, "One." Move as one. 1370 01:14:16,291 --> 01:14:18,333 Wait, one or Juan? 1371 01:14:18,416 --> 01:14:20,267 - One. - It doesn't matter. Come on. 1372 01:14:21,833 --> 01:14:23,125 Ow. 1373 01:14:23,208 --> 01:14:25,142 - Get off of me. - You get off of me. 1374 01:14:25,166 --> 01:14:26,708 Guys, we need to focus. 1375 01:14:26,791 --> 01:14:28,666 - We're running out of time. - Enough. 1376 01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:31,041 And we're about to get our asses kicked. 1377 01:14:37,833 --> 01:14:38,833 Get 'em! 1378 01:14:47,083 --> 01:14:48,625 - Oh, my... - God. 1379 01:14:49,125 --> 01:14:50,541 Do something. 1380 01:14:52,833 --> 01:14:53,916 Go, go, go, go, go! 1381 01:15:01,458 --> 01:15:02,708 Hi-yah! 1382 01:15:04,041 --> 01:15:05,291 What is happening? 1383 01:15:05,375 --> 01:15:06,666 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1384 01:15:06,750 --> 01:15:08,750 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1385 01:15:19,291 --> 01:15:20,976 Wait, wait, wait. Scorpion kick, scorpion kick. 1386 01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:22,360 Please, can we do a scorpion kick? 1387 01:15:26,750 --> 01:15:27,750 Thank you! 1388 01:15:32,375 --> 01:15:33,750 Whoa! 1389 01:15:37,333 --> 01:15:41,583 Well, everyone, here I am, the real me. 1390 01:15:41,666 --> 01:15:42,750 I'm not hiding anymore. 1391 01:15:46,083 --> 01:15:48,750 Oh. Good for you, man. 1392 01:15:50,708 --> 01:15:51,708 Okay. 1393 01:15:54,458 --> 01:15:56,098 Y'all are freaks. 1394 01:15:58,166 --> 01:16:00,375 - You forgot your balloons. - Keep 'em. 1395 01:16:45,083 --> 01:16:47,541 Oh, fuck. 1396 01:16:48,041 --> 01:16:49,958 Shit, shit. 1397 01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:55,680 - Get to the control panel. - We gotta stop the RAs. 1398 01:16:57,208 --> 01:16:59,008 Shit, shit, shit. I don't know how this works. 1399 01:16:59,083 --> 01:17:00,500 - What do I do? - Just break 'em. 1400 01:17:00,583 --> 01:17:02,166 - Shit. - Fucking destroy it. 1401 01:17:03,541 --> 01:17:07,208 Jack, Jack, Jack, give it up. 1402 01:17:08,375 --> 01:17:10,500 There's nothing you can do. 1403 01:17:10,583 --> 01:17:12,375 You can't stop this. 1404 01:17:12,458 --> 01:17:13,458 I can't? 1405 01:17:14,083 --> 01:17:15,083 No. 1406 01:17:16,208 --> 01:17:17,833 Except I can. 1407 01:17:19,375 --> 01:17:20,958 A third-party charger. 1408 01:17:22,250 --> 01:17:24,333 Wait! No, damn it, damn it! 1409 01:17:24,416 --> 01:17:25,500 Unhand me. 1410 01:17:25,583 --> 01:17:27,750 Wait, Jack! Look. 1411 01:17:30,833 --> 01:17:32,458 I've still got your phone. 1412 01:17:33,958 --> 01:17:36,708 I press send and that's it, you're transferred to Gralk Hall. 1413 01:17:37,458 --> 01:17:39,416 So before you fry those phones, 1414 01:17:40,250 --> 01:17:41,250 let's make a deal. 1415 01:17:42,541 --> 01:17:44,541 You give me that, I'll give you this. 1416 01:17:46,125 --> 01:17:47,125 And that will be that. 1417 01:17:48,250 --> 01:17:50,000 Plus, I'll sweeten it, 1418 01:17:51,666 --> 01:17:54,958 and I'll make you an RA, huh? 1419 01:17:57,541 --> 01:17:59,333 Why the fuck would I want that? 1420 01:18:01,000 --> 01:18:02,208 Because, Jack… 1421 01:18:04,833 --> 01:18:06,125 You know the truth. 1422 01:18:07,333 --> 01:18:11,000 No one at this school is ever going to forgive you 1423 01:18:11,083 --> 01:18:13,250 for what you did to the football team. 1424 01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:15,791 But you know what's better than being liked? 1425 01:18:17,916 --> 01:18:19,208 Being feared. 1426 01:18:20,958 --> 01:18:22,250 Power, Jack. 1427 01:18:23,250 --> 01:18:26,500 No one will ever bully you again. 1428 01:18:27,750 --> 01:18:30,375 Are you really gonna turn that down 1429 01:18:30,458 --> 01:18:35,041 to save a bunch of people who hate your guts? 1430 01:18:35,666 --> 01:18:38,625 Your own roommate was ditching you. 1431 01:18:40,166 --> 01:18:44,416 Save him and you'll rot in Gralk Hall. 1432 01:18:45,708 --> 01:18:49,500 Or with me on your side, 1433 01:18:51,041 --> 01:18:53,500 you can finally rule the school. 1434 01:18:59,500 --> 01:19:00,500 It's okay. 1435 01:19:07,083 --> 01:19:08,166 Montgomery, 1436 01:19:09,625 --> 01:19:10,708 I'm sorry. 1437 01:19:11,916 --> 01:19:13,333 Looks like I'll be shipping out. 1438 01:19:13,416 --> 01:19:14,416 What? 1439 01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:18,041 So next year, I want you to find the best new roommate. 1440 01:19:18,625 --> 01:19:20,309 - Jack. - Find someone who's gonna listen to you. 1441 01:19:20,333 --> 01:19:22,708 - Jack, no. You don't have to do this. - Jack. 1442 01:19:22,791 --> 01:19:26,250 I want you to tell that roommate to treat you good. 1443 01:19:26,333 --> 01:19:27,892 Jack, we could come up with something else. 1444 01:19:27,916 --> 01:19:30,083 Tell them to do all that boring bullshit that you like, 1445 01:19:30,166 --> 01:19:31,708 like the puzzles or that game… 1446 01:19:31,791 --> 01:19:34,059 - Come on. - …where you try to guess my favorite bird. 1447 01:19:34,083 --> 01:19:36,666 - Eagle? - It's not eagle. Quit guessing eagle. 1448 01:19:36,750 --> 01:19:38,083 I don't want this, Jack. 1449 01:19:38,166 --> 01:19:39,375 This is the only way. 1450 01:19:39,458 --> 01:19:41,708 - No, I changed my mind, Jack. - Jack. 1451 01:19:41,791 --> 01:19:42,916 I wanna room with you. 1452 01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,625 What you want isn't what you need, man. 1453 01:19:44,708 --> 01:19:45,958 - Jack. - I need you. 1454 01:19:46,041 --> 01:19:47,321 - I love you, Montgomery. - Jack! 1455 01:19:47,375 --> 01:19:49,750 - I love you, Jack. - I love you so much, 1456 01:19:49,833 --> 01:19:51,000 and I don't tell you enough. 1457 01:19:51,083 --> 01:19:52,583 Jack. The deal, the deal. 1458 01:19:53,458 --> 01:19:56,416 Come on. Be smart, Jack. 1459 01:19:57,208 --> 01:19:59,916 You have to think about yourself, okay? 1460 01:20:02,500 --> 01:20:03,500 No. 1461 01:20:06,125 --> 01:20:08,666 I need to think about other people's dicks. 1462 01:20:09,416 --> 01:20:11,416 What? No! 1463 01:20:22,750 --> 01:20:26,041 Goddamn it! You idiot! 1464 01:20:26,125 --> 01:20:28,625 Enjoy Gralk Hall! 1465 01:20:32,625 --> 01:20:34,375 Oh, Blake. 1466 01:20:36,208 --> 01:20:37,583 You forgot one thing. 1467 01:20:38,875 --> 01:20:41,166 I'm Lizzy the Magnificent, bitch. 1468 01:20:42,625 --> 01:20:44,041 Oh, my gosh! 1469 01:20:44,125 --> 01:20:45,476 - Oh! - How did she do that? 1470 01:20:45,500 --> 01:20:47,017 - I don't know. - That was incredible. 1471 01:20:47,041 --> 01:20:48,916 Fuck this! 1472 01:20:50,125 --> 01:20:51,125 Oh, shit. 1473 01:20:51,166 --> 01:20:54,083 Well, time to beat you to death with a pipe. 1474 01:20:54,166 --> 01:20:56,333 - That doesn't scan either. - Shut the fuck up! 1475 01:20:57,708 --> 01:20:59,666 Which one of you is first, huh? 1476 01:20:59,750 --> 01:21:00,750 Which one of you... 1477 01:21:04,500 --> 01:21:05,916 Remember me? 1478 01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:07,708 Lysander! 1479 01:21:07,791 --> 01:21:11,166 You crushed my wings. You squashed my body. 1480 01:21:11,250 --> 01:21:13,041 You left me for dead… 1481 01:21:13,125 --> 01:21:15,625 - Get away. - …but you didn't finish the job. 1482 01:21:15,708 --> 01:21:18,083 Get away from me! Get away from me! 1483 01:21:18,166 --> 01:21:20,101 From the depths of the dormitory vents, 1484 01:21:20,125 --> 01:21:21,666 - I have returned. - Fuck! 1485 01:21:21,750 --> 01:21:23,458 Fuck you, butterfly. 1486 01:21:23,541 --> 01:21:25,208 Go get him, Lysander. 1487 01:21:25,291 --> 01:21:28,208 My name is Lysander Featherhelm, 1488 01:21:28,291 --> 01:21:31,083 Lord of the Syracuse Meadows. 1489 01:21:31,166 --> 01:21:33,625 I serve the one god Montgomery, 1490 01:21:33,708 --> 01:21:38,291 and I shall have my vengeance. 1491 01:21:38,791 --> 01:21:39,916 Scorpion kick! 1492 01:21:40,458 --> 01:21:43,291 No! 1493 01:21:54,708 --> 01:21:57,500 Victory, the sweetest nectar. 1494 01:21:57,583 --> 01:21:59,000 Monty, I'll see you at home. 1495 01:21:59,083 --> 01:22:01,041 Oh, shit. I got you, bud. 1496 01:22:08,625 --> 01:22:09,625 Oh, shit. 1497 01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:14,875 - Thanks. - Sure. I owed you one. 1498 01:22:16,583 --> 01:22:17,833 Well, guys, we did it. 1499 01:22:17,916 --> 01:22:20,750 We defeated the RAs. We ate the pizza. 1500 01:22:21,291 --> 01:22:22,541 Oh, wait. 1501 01:22:24,958 --> 01:22:25,958 What's happening? 1502 01:22:28,750 --> 01:22:29,750 What is that? 1503 01:22:30,291 --> 01:22:31,416 Oh, my God. 1504 01:22:31,500 --> 01:22:32,500 It's him. 1505 01:22:33,458 --> 01:22:34,458 The Rat King. 1506 01:22:57,583 --> 01:23:00,250 Hi, Lizzy. Remember me? 1507 01:23:00,333 --> 01:23:02,500 This fucking cunt. 1508 01:23:16,041 --> 01:23:17,208 I'm sorry, who are you? 1509 01:23:18,416 --> 01:23:19,625 I'm you, Jack. 1510 01:23:19,708 --> 01:23:21,208 The you you're scared you'll become. 1511 01:23:22,041 --> 01:23:23,375 Boring. Sober. 1512 01:23:23,458 --> 01:23:26,041 Obsessed with my bird feeder. 1513 01:23:26,125 --> 01:23:28,333 I also review sparkling water brands on YouTube. 1514 01:23:28,416 --> 01:23:29,541 Oh, my fuck. 1515 01:23:30,125 --> 01:23:32,226 - What's wrong with that? - That honestly sounds nice. 1516 01:23:32,250 --> 01:23:33,416 Fuck off. 1517 01:23:44,083 --> 01:23:45,083 Run! 1518 01:23:45,166 --> 01:23:46,458 Go! 1519 01:23:50,583 --> 01:23:52,101 - Shit. - What do we do? 1520 01:23:52,125 --> 01:23:54,125 What? 1521 01:23:58,333 --> 01:24:00,875 Time to float like graceful falcons. 1522 01:24:00,958 --> 01:24:05,666 They tried to censor us, but we will not be silenced! 1523 01:24:53,833 --> 01:24:57,333 Thank you! And good night! 1524 01:24:57,416 --> 01:24:59,000 Why did we think that would work? 1525 01:24:59,083 --> 01:25:01,041 Fuck off. That was fun. 1526 01:25:01,666 --> 01:25:03,750 There are so many condoms in here. 1527 01:25:03,833 --> 01:25:05,541 It's on your face. 1528 01:25:05,625 --> 01:25:07,458 I landed on the condom. 1529 01:25:08,375 --> 01:25:09,375 Hey, make a wish. 1530 01:25:09,958 --> 01:25:12,166 I wish I didn't land on the condom. 1531 01:25:14,625 --> 01:25:16,583 Well, look on the bright side, guys. 1532 01:25:16,666 --> 01:25:19,226 At least we got away from the nightmares. 1533 01:25:23,875 --> 01:25:25,833 Montgomery. 1534 01:25:27,166 --> 01:25:28,541 Let's go. 1535 01:25:31,041 --> 01:25:32,166 Let's go! 1536 01:25:36,291 --> 01:25:39,916 I wrote a complaint letter to Microsoft after they discontinued my favorite font. 1537 01:25:40,000 --> 01:25:41,791 God, no! 1538 01:25:41,875 --> 01:25:44,000 - Come on. Come on. - Fuck! 1539 01:25:56,375 --> 01:25:57,791 Well, well, well. 1540 01:25:59,750 --> 01:26:01,500 Hello again, dickheads. 1541 01:26:01,583 --> 01:26:03,000 How are you not dead? 1542 01:26:03,958 --> 01:26:06,958 You thought you could kill me? 1543 01:26:07,041 --> 01:26:09,500 - Get off the box! - Get your foot off the box! 1544 01:26:09,583 --> 01:26:12,916 It's gonna take a lot more than that to get rid of Blake! 1545 01:26:16,083 --> 01:26:17,803 - Grab him. - Hold him down. 1546 01:26:18,041 --> 01:26:19,291 What the fuck? 1547 01:26:20,541 --> 01:26:21,666 Open wide. 1548 01:26:22,916 --> 01:26:24,500 Happy sailing. 1549 01:26:26,500 --> 01:26:29,291 Do not take more than a single dose. 1550 01:26:29,375 --> 01:26:33,791 If you do, you will see the true horrible nature of reality. 1551 01:26:37,208 --> 01:26:39,666 …falling apart. 1552 01:26:39,750 --> 01:26:41,708 I just think my biggest concern right now 1553 01:26:41,791 --> 01:26:45,041 is how little of this makes any sense at all. 1554 01:26:45,125 --> 01:26:47,351 - Like what? - What do you mean like what? 1555 01:26:47,375 --> 01:26:49,833 Like… Okay, for example, how many college freshmen do you know 1556 01:26:49,916 --> 01:26:51,291 that own a pet butterfly? 1557 01:26:51,375 --> 01:26:53,375 That's what you find unbelievable? 1558 01:26:53,458 --> 01:26:57,291 We have a scene where the three leads become a Venezuelan man. 1559 01:26:57,375 --> 01:27:00,708 Fine. But we gotta come up with a better title than Pizza Movie. 1560 01:27:00,791 --> 01:27:03,726 Of course we're not calling it Pizza Movie. That's a placeholder. 1561 01:27:03,750 --> 01:27:06,142 I mean, if we can't beat that, I'm gonna walk into the goddamn ocean. 1562 01:27:06,166 --> 01:27:07,166 What the fuck? 1563 01:27:08,333 --> 01:27:10,625 Oh, God, one of the actors is here. 1564 01:27:10,708 --> 01:27:13,291 Hey, man, can you just give us like ten minutes please? Thanks. 1565 01:27:14,875 --> 01:27:17,291 Oh, so listen, I told my grandfather he could have a part. 1566 01:27:17,375 --> 01:27:18,416 Is that okay? 1567 01:27:19,583 --> 01:27:20,583 No. 1568 01:27:24,541 --> 01:27:26,375 W-We're in a movie? 1569 01:27:28,333 --> 01:27:30,708 We're in a low-budget movie. 1570 01:27:32,333 --> 01:27:35,250 My character's not written with any nuance at all. 1571 01:27:36,291 --> 01:27:37,291 I'm a caricature. 1572 01:27:39,583 --> 01:27:43,083 I, like, only deliver exposition. 1573 01:27:43,666 --> 01:27:45,583 What the fuck was that? 1574 01:28:22,208 --> 01:28:24,791 Mont... Montgomery. 1575 01:28:30,333 --> 01:28:33,958 Were you satisfied with your fucking order? 1576 01:28:34,041 --> 01:28:35,291 Yes, Snackatron. 1577 01:28:37,458 --> 01:28:38,458 Yes, we were. 1578 01:28:41,750 --> 01:28:44,333 Thank you for ordering from… 1579 01:28:44,416 --> 01:28:48,500 Finally alone. Time to measure the length of my foreskin. 1580 01:28:48,583 --> 01:28:50,708 Wait, is this robot still recording... 1581 01:28:50,791 --> 01:28:52,625 Goodbye. 1582 01:29:12,833 --> 01:29:15,416 Tell my story. 1583 01:29:18,791 --> 01:29:20,250 Lizzy! 1584 01:29:21,458 --> 01:29:24,666 Lizzy, let's go! 1585 01:29:25,541 --> 01:29:27,541 Montgomery. Over here. 1586 01:29:27,625 --> 01:29:30,708 - Hey, thanks for the gig. - Thank you. 1587 01:29:30,791 --> 01:29:32,125 You ready? 1588 01:29:32,208 --> 01:29:33,291 Let's get this night going. 1589 01:29:33,375 --> 01:29:35,666 I'm about to honk that horn like you won't believe. 1590 01:29:35,750 --> 01:29:38,708 Oh, my God, I feel so alive after performing. 1591 01:29:38,791 --> 01:29:41,833 Yeah, I can imagine with the electric torture. 1592 01:29:41,916 --> 01:29:42,916 Yeah. 1593 01:29:44,125 --> 01:29:50,708 Anyway, um, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out sometime. 1594 01:29:55,375 --> 01:29:58,375 Lizzy. You gonna give the driver your freaking credit card? 1595 01:29:58,458 --> 01:29:59,458 What's up? 1596 01:30:00,666 --> 01:30:02,000 Montgomery? 1597 01:30:03,875 --> 01:30:05,333 - Montgomery... - No thank you. 1598 01:30:06,875 --> 01:30:08,291 - No? - No. 1599 01:30:09,458 --> 01:30:12,250 I do not think we are a good match. 1600 01:30:14,125 --> 01:30:15,958 - Why? - You scare the shit out of me. 1601 01:30:17,125 --> 01:30:19,458 But, hey, good… good luck on the music. 1602 01:30:19,541 --> 01:30:23,166 You're... It's killer. Killer good, dawg. 1603 01:30:23,250 --> 01:30:26,000 Lizzy! Stop thinking pensively 1604 01:30:26,083 --> 01:30:28,416 and get your freaking credit card out and give it to the... 1605 01:30:31,250 --> 01:30:32,958 Oh, my God. Logan. 1606 01:30:33,041 --> 01:30:34,041 Have fun. 1607 01:30:34,541 --> 01:30:35,916 Are you dead? 1608 01:30:49,833 --> 01:30:51,833 Hey, Freak-ass Face. 1609 01:31:02,791 --> 01:31:04,458 What time is it? 1610 01:31:04,541 --> 01:31:06,708 It's gotta be 5:00 a.m. 1611 01:31:07,541 --> 01:31:10,875 It's only 8:30. All that only took 45 minutes? 1612 01:31:11,500 --> 01:31:12,791 You guys wanna do something? 1613 01:31:15,833 --> 01:31:17,083 Wanna finish our game? 1614 01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:19,666 I'm down. 1615 01:31:19,750 --> 01:31:21,125 Me too. 1616 01:31:26,833 --> 01:31:27,833 And I… 1617 01:31:29,708 --> 01:31:31,166 Am also down. 1618 01:31:32,458 --> 01:31:35,750 Oh, man. College is awesome. 1619 01:31:36,375 --> 01:31:37,875 I love being 19. 1620 01:31:37,958 --> 01:31:39,517 Grandpa, don't look at the camera. 1621 01:31:39,541 --> 01:31:42,583 - Don't talk to me that way. - Dude, this isn't working. 1622 01:31:42,666 --> 01:31:44,026 - Let's cut him. - Fine. 1623 01:31:47,541 --> 01:31:50,333 All right, should we start from scratch or pick up where we left off? 1624 01:31:50,416 --> 01:31:51,726 - Let's do it from scratch. - Yeah? 1625 01:31:51,750 --> 01:31:52,750 We got it. 1626 01:31:52,833 --> 01:31:54,684 - Oh, my God. This is exciting. - Okay, cool then… 1627 01:33:29,000 --> 01:33:32,708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1628 01:33:32,791 --> 01:33:36,416 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1629 01:33:36,500 --> 01:33:40,125 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1630 01:33:40,208 --> 01:33:43,708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1631 01:33:43,791 --> 01:33:47,500 ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice Happy, happy, happy, nice ♪ 1632 01:33:47,583 --> 01:33:51,041 ♪ Happy, nice, happy, nice Happy, happy, happy ♪ 1633 01:33:51,125 --> 01:33:54,875 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1634 01:33:54,958 --> 01:33:58,500 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1635 01:33:58,583 --> 01:34:02,208 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1636 01:34:02,291 --> 01:34:06,166 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1637 01:34:07,625 --> 01:34:10,916 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1638 01:34:11,000 --> 01:34:14,041 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1639 01:34:14,125 --> 01:34:17,250 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1640 01:34:17,333 --> 01:34:20,708 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1641 01:34:22,208 --> 01:34:25,000 ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice Happy, nice, happy, nice ♪ 1642 01:34:25,083 --> 01:34:27,708 ♪ Happy, happy, nice, nice Happy, nice, happy ♪ 1643 01:34:27,791 --> 01:34:30,642 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1644 01:34:30,666 --> 01:34:33,750 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1645 01:34:36,000 --> 01:34:38,642 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1646 01:34:38,666 --> 01:34:41,142 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1647 01:34:41,166 --> 01:34:43,684 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice Everything's happy, everything's nice ♪ 1648 01:34:43,708 --> 01:34:46,184 ♪ Everything's happy, everything's nice No one's gonna die today ♪ 1649 01:34:46,208 --> 01:34:47,500 ♪ Someone's gonna die today ♪ 1650 01:34:47,583 --> 01:34:54,583 ♪ We're all gonna die today ♪